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Article by Kendra Beltran

Half of the world’s population is walking around with a dick in their pants, but do we really know all there is to know about them? Not really. We know they get hard when they’re excited and that Jon Hamm is working with quite the impressive package thanks to some revealing khakis, but that’s about it. Not anymore though. We’re about to get our schooling on and learn a little bit more about the penis from birth to death and everything in between.

 

Calm Your Clit

Every person on earth starts out as a woman. Yup, your daddy’s juice is what makes your sex organs go this way or that and it’s not instant. So that penis you’re working with, well it was once a clitoris. Then your DNA started to shape and form, along with a penis and viola! You came out of your mom with a pecker instead of a vagina.

Boners From Start to Finish

Once your penis develops in utero, you can start to pop boners. Wouldn’t that be the best sonogram picture? Aw look, hun, it’s his first boner! That isn’t all. You’ll also have countless erections throughout your lifetime (you may have one right now!), and even after you’re gone. Yup, your corpse can even get hard one last time after you bite the bullet and meet your maker.

Two Heads

There is a super rare condition called diphallus in which a man is born with not one, but two penises. When it comes to functionality and size, it is always a case by case situation. Some men have two small dicks that don’t work, others have one that works and one that doesn’t. In the case of Double Dick Dude, he has two regular sized members that work just fine. He’s even written about it in his book, Double Header: My Life with Two Penises.

 

Boneless Boners

Despite the popular name for an erection, the penis has no bones in it. Penises, however, are made of a hydrostatic skeleton. That’s just a fancy way of saying there’s structure to it, but no actual bones like the rest of our bodies.

It Can Break

Despite there being no bones to break, your penis can indeed be fractured. Rough sex or even hardcore masturbation can lead you to be one of the average 200 men who head to the ER each year with a penis fracture. So take it easy next time you’re jerking off. You’d rather finish right than in the hospital explaining to a nurse why you’re there. Wonder if insurance covers that?

Vibrators Are a Man’s Best Friend

It's time to break that stereotype that vibrators are ONLY for women because hello, it is 2018. However, just like with vigorous sex and masturbation, sex toys need to be handled with caution too. Roughly 600 men head to the ER every year due to sex toy injuries. So get yourself a vibrator, but be careful!

Morning Wood

Dudes wake up with morning wood more often than not but that’s not always because they’re horny AF in the morning. I mean, sometimes they are but in most cases, it's just the body doing its thing. Actually, men can have up to half a dozen boners throughout the night as they head in and out of various sleep cycles.

 

Shrinking Packages

By now we’ve all seen those Truth commercials about the negative effects of smoking but they really need to add that cigarettes can cause your dick to shrink up to a centimeter. Hey, that may not seem like a lot but trust us...it is for a lot of you. While we’re on the subject, also lay off red meat and dairy if you want to keep those blowjobs coming. Both can make your sperm taste like trash.

Jerking Off Soothes the Soul and Penis

Not only does one feel relaxed after shooting a load, but it’s also physically good for your dick. Masturbating helps to keep your penis in tip-top shape. Literally, the shape of your penis, as well as the smoothness, relies on jerking off thanks to the flow of oxygen from the blood flow it gets when you do your thing.

Race Sort of Matters

Many have debunked the shoe size myth when it comes to penis size, but there are studies out there that reveal race may play a part. Someone call Freud because there are some scientists that believe evolution gifted larger dicks to men in areas where there was more competition in terms of mating. Dude with the biggest dick wins, right? So back in the day, we’re talking about those who came up in tribes. Your Native Americans and yes, Africans. While men in European countries could woo a lady with money and class, those in tribal situations had to rely on their big ol’ dicks. It makes total sense and is backed by a University of Ulster-Northern Ireland study in recent years that reported men in the Republic of Congo had the biggest peckers with the average man there packing 7.1 inches.

 

Big Facts

The men of the Republic of Congo may collectively be the largest on earth, they don’t hold a candle to Jonah Falcon. The New Yorker is 13.5 inches...flaccid! That’s nothing compared to the blue whale’s dick which can reach 8-10 feet but that is insane for a human. On the flip side, there are dudes out there with micropenises that are smaller than 2.8 inches when they’re erect.

Hide & Seek

Most dudes don’t realize that half of their penis is inside of them. We’re not talking about you growers, we’re talking anatomy. The part you see on the outside of your body, the part you use to get it on, that’s only half the story.

Dick Appreciation

If you’re a lover of all things penis, you’re not alone. There is a penis museum in Iceland, as well as a restaurant in China that serves up dicks. No, Guolizhuang does not cook human penis. This is not a Silence of the Lambs situation. They specialize in crafting dishes based around animal genitals. So if you’re that extra when it comes to penises, you have some traveling to do.

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*** Andrew Christian Inc. does not claim rights to any images posted in this blog post. If you find your picture here and would like to have it credited or removed please email [email protected]

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