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Article written by Maya Vukovska

Oh, myths and stereotypes - can we even live without labeling everyone and everything? The politically incorrect answer would be “no”, although many would argue that it’s not right to jump to conclusions without a solid reason. Our brains are programmed that way - we see someone for the first time , and we instantly summarize the visual info: “Female, a Sarah Palin type, big eyes, probably a third-grade teacher, trustworthy”. A similar cultural approach is applied when it comes to the delicate topic of gay sex. And it’s not only about what “ the vanilla straights” think about gay sex; it’s also about what young and inexperienced men are inclined to believe when they start experimenting with same-sex activities. That’s why it’s important that we strip the subject off all the trivial myths that have been circulating out there for decades. 

Myth #1 : It’s Always About Tappin’ Ass

I don’t know how this happened, but we all have become pretty much obsessed with penetration. And if you are to believe what you see in porn movies, the ultimate objective when two naked guys get together is always anal sex. Yes, ass-play has rightfully been associated with homosexuality since the time of Greek Gods, but let me tell you this: First, porn videos are not how-to guides to homosexual intercourse. And second, there’s more than one way for gays to fuck. Gay sex is a fantasy world full of exciting possibilities. Rimming, mutual masturbation, oral, dry humping, inter-femoral intercourse (that one you need to check in the dictionary, sorry), and even auto-fellatio (alas, available only for the most flexible ones!) can be equally rewarding as anal sex.

Myth #2: Anal Sex: Whenever The Situation Calls For It

False! Anal sex doesn’t usually happen whenever the partners seize an opportunity for it. It rarely goes like, “Hi, I’m John.” “Hi, I’m Adam, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” “Shall we get a cappuccino?” “Hm, how about we go ass-fuck first in the restroom?” In reality, gay men do not have anal sex as much as people think. The experienced players are aware that preparation for anal is required for the optimal pleasure and comfort for both partners. And the preparation process can be time-consuming and tedious. No wonder that, according to recent statistics, only 40% of gay men have reported to having had anal sex with their current or last partner.

via GIPHY

Myth #3: Gay Men Need Toys

And by toys, we don’t mean Lego! When two men are in bed, or in the sofa, or by the pool in the backyard, they don’t necessarily need additional sex gadgets because their bodies are already fully equipped. Lesbians, on the other hand, may sometimes see the need of using toys for apparent reasons. But that, I guess, is a topic for another blog.

Myth #4: All Gay Men Are DTF

Dark rooms in clubs, bathhouses, sex apps - it seems like gay men have all the opportunities to have sex all the time. A never-ending circle of joy, jizz, and jelly. Let’s make something clear here. Quick, impersonal hookups are not the only way for gay men to have sex! Like everything in the world, gay male corporal desires and interest in sex are not one-size-fits-all.

Myth #5: One Is Always Top, And the Other - Bottom

Sex positions and roles are not based on the over-exploited cliché that in the same-sex relationships, one partner plays the male, and the other - the female. The roles are “assigned” according to the principles of equality and mutuality, i.e. who-likes-to-do-what-and-is-good-at-it. Of course, in cases where power imbalance is at play, these roles are unlikely to change, and the bottoms will always be bottoms. But all in all, democracy prevails over tyranny, and you can’t expect even the guys wearing tops with sequins to act like girls in the bedroom.

So, at the end of the day, what can I say more about the subject matter? Not much, really. Only that if one does want to overcome a persistent myth, they have to stop assuming. Identity, manners, and practices are not one and the same thing. Just remember that next time you see a boy wearing a top with sequins…

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