5 Things Straight Couples Could Learn From Gay Sex

By Nicholas Velotta

If we’re to believe what the porn industry tells us, straight people have an endless supply of sexual inventiveness. But the porn industry isn’t exactly known for being realistic. Moving past online fantasies and into reality, a survey on real-life U.S. couples found that 30 percent of men and 19 percent of women desire more diversity in the bedroom. I spend my days researching sex and relationships (and, yes, it’s as fun as it sounds), but I often find myself chatting with heterosexual couples who look bewildered after I suggest they try a sexual behavior that gay men commonly enlist in their bedrooms. The couples then inform me that they’ve never heard of such an act, not to mention attempted it. And the truth is that so many behaviors we consider “gay” can easily be adapted for straight couples. So, inspired by data showing some heterosexual partners need more sexual variety and my own observations that gay men have such sexual variety, I’ve compiled a list of the top sex tips that heterosexual men and women can borrow from their gay comrades!

#1: Masturbating…together

Let’s start off easy. Gay men (and lesbians, for that matter) enjoy a good ol’ mutual masturbation session. It’s surprisingly intimate when your partner isn’t sitting, sucking, or sticking it in, but instead you’re responsibilities are to give each other erotic imagery and vocalizations. Let your eyes wander and take in all the sexy parts of their physicality. Also, you’re in more control of your own orgasm timing so this can be a great sexual release when neither of you has time for full-on intercourse, or use it as a hot foreplay extender.

#2: Orgasm equality

Speaking of orgasms, women usually need more stimulation to reach them. And for all those heterosexual men out there that think penetration equals stimulation, think again. In fact, clitoral stimulation causes most female orgasms but cultural understandings of heterosexual intercourse often make vaginal penetration the focus of sexual encounters rather than foreplay or oral sex (both of which stimulate the clitoris more so than vaginal penetration alone). Whereas nearly 90 percent of gay men say they usually or always orgasm during sex, just 65 percent for heterosexual women say the same. And yet, 95 percent of heterosexual men manage to orgasm every time they have sex. Hmm…It’s about time our straight brothermen take our cue and make orgasm equality a priority.

#3: Prostate stimulation

There’s still a lot of stigma about straight men engaging in anal play, but tbh it’s all based on sexist and often homophobic attitudes that some guys don’t even realize they have until confronted with “in the butt stuff”. The truth is: if there’s not a real penis going into your bum, you’re not having gay sex folks. Why’s it important for heterosexual guys to try prostate stimulation? For one thing it reduces the risk of getting prostate cancer. And if that’s not convincing enough, prostate stimulated orgasms are more intense than regular orgasms—gay bottoms and verses can attest to that!

#4: Silicone lube

If you’re going to experiment with your anus (whether male or female), please for the sake of all things sexually sacred use silicone lubricant. Silicone lube will make anal penetration with a penis or toy run smoother and it won’t dry out like water-based lubricant or saliva. The anus doesn’t naturally lubricate itself like the vagina so it requires special treatment, but the pleasurable pay-off is so worth it.

#5: Being “monogamish”

If you and your partner are both ready for a threesome or another form of nonmonogamy, start researching consensual nonmonogamy. About half of gay couples practice consensual nonmonogamy, but if you’re considering following in their footsteps don’t think it’s as easy as one conversation; you need to have clear boundaries and tons of open communication. If you’re able to succeed at being monogamish—meaning you stay committed to your partner but you’re allowed to sleep with other people too—your sex life can be full of diversity and novelty.

Nicholas Velotta is a sex and relationship researcher and writer located out of the University of Washington in Seattle.