Article by Andy Zheng
Whether it just didn’t work out or he cheated on you, breakup sucks. You’re left reminded of all the great memories that you had, which inevitably leads to a sad realization that it won’t come back. You might be temporarily optimistic that you can salvage the relationship but in most cases, the breakup is there to stay. However, there are constructive ways to deal with breakups at each stage of a breakup so that you can move on to become an even more fabulous person. As a wise person once said, if you're going to be sad, you might as well look good while you do it.
1. Right after the breakup numbness
Right after you break up, it may feel surreal. It won’t seem like it’s completely over. Surely you’ll somehow make up and everything will work out and go back to normal.
Do: Try to just continue with your daily routine instead of slowly replaying everything in your head. If you need to, add a small jog or workouts into your routine to relieve some feel good hormones and become sexier.
Don’t: Go back to him expecting things to work out. You’ve just realized it didn’t work out. While it is a hard reality to accept, denying it won’t work.
2. The emotions hit
It dawns on you that he really has left. You won’t get your life back as you wanted and nothing is right. You feel betrayed, hurt, regretful, wishing you could go back in time and change it all.
Do: Breathe and give yourself time! It’s important that you try to keep your mind off of him. Do anything to distract yourself, whether that’s binge shopping or having lots of hook ups or just immersing yourself in work. Just make sure texting him back is not on the list of things to do.
You should also rant to your friends about it and share a nice big glass of wine, or a full bottle all to yourself. Cry your eyes out because your feelings should be expressed.
Don’t: You may want to jump into another relationship to fill that void inside of you, but don’t! You must be the one to heal yourself. Most importantly, DO NOT try to contact him yet. You may not be rational when doing so.
3. Slow recovery
Reality settles in and you continue with your life with him occasionally coming up in your mind.
Do: Find new ways to better yourself! Learn a new skill or try something you’ve always been afraid to try. If you occasionally think of him and feel sad, deal constructively with that sadness. Go to the gym or grab a cup of coffee with your friend.
Don’t: Acknowledge your past and don’t pretend that he was simply a mistake. If you feel pain, you should be happy because at least there were good memories at some point.
4. Back on your feet
You no longer feel sad when someone mentions his name. You even laugh along and agree with your friends when they talk trash about him.
Do: Decide if you wish to have him in your life as a friend or it would be better to have him disappear. Make your intentions to him clear.
Don’t: Don’t isolate yourself from your friends. They’re a strong support network that you should always have, especially when you feel a bit lonely.
5. Meeting a potential babe
Perhaps you met him on an app or at the bar, you decide to give this love thing another try. You guys go on a date at a friendly local café.
Do: Be genuine and present your strengths and your flaws. You should also see whether you’ll find him compatible.
Don’t: Don’t mention your ex unless it naturally comes up in a conversation. If you have any inkling of doubt about the guy, don’t hide that. Be honest.