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The world of gay porn is a mysterious and magical place. The annals of anal contain innumerable depictions gay sex, both penetrative and otherwise, amateur and high-budget homoerotic spectacle. Seemingly, there's something for everyone in gay porn. But these days, it seems more often that not that porn gets a few things painfully wrong about gay sex. Viewing the world through the lens of gay porn is to see it through a glass darkly. Specifically, here are six things that may be hot in porn, but are just straight up terrible in real life.

1. Fucking for 30+ minutes without cumming

Firstly, let’s put a time limit on these things. I get that they make porn long so that everyone has a chance to finish, but who are these dudes who can fuck the tight little ass of twink for 45 minutes straight without cumming? Certainly nobody I know, unless it’s their second or third bone of the evening. In real life sex, there comes a point where everyone involved starts checking their watches and wondering, “can we wrap it up?”

2. No condoms

In porn, nobody ever wears a condom or seemingly takes any precautions against STIs. Granted, this is usually just a little movie magic to make the moment more intense. But in real life, you better believe that we’re using a condom, kid.

3. Fucking your doctor

Call me crazy on this one, but some of these porn fantasy scenarios would just be absolutely terrible if enacted in real life. When I go to the doctor, or even when I’m having a pizza delivered to my home, I have an expectation that the individual on the other side of these interactions will comport themselves with the utmost professionalism. You are acting as an agent of Dominoes, Jason, button up your pants.

4. Straight-acting men who use the “f word”

No, I’m not talking about “fuck.” The mean f word. Why is it that so much gay porn features so-called “straight acting” macho dudes who evidently are extremely homophobic? This type of porn taps into some seriously fucked-up self-loathing. A guy like that in real life is an instant turn-off.

5. Giant dudes destroying little men

If your only experience of gay sex comes from porn, then you might believe that it takes two polar opposite body types to get things going. You may believe that tops need have 200 pounds and a couple feet on the bottoms. And if the bottom’s asshole isn’t irreparably dilated, then it wasn’t successful sex. In reality, as long as there’s two cocks and consent, that’s quite enough for great sex.

6. Crazy positions

Finally, gay porn seems to constantly be raising the stakes in terms of the crazy contortionist positions. Unorthodoxy of posture may make for quality cinematography, but my man and I are not trying to get back surgery at 40.

You can probably think of numerous more instances of things that are really hot in porn, but just terrible in real life. And all of these just go to show you, that porn is porn and sex is sex. Keep the difference sacred, and everybody gets to have fun!

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*** Andrew Christian Inc. does not claim rights to any images posted in this blog post. If you find your picture here and would like to have it credited or removed please email [email protected]

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