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Article written by Maya Vukovska

The French call it ménage à trois, the Germans - Dreiecksbeziehung, the Swedes - hushåll för tre, the Russians - любов втроём. Whatever you call this unorthodox romantic and domestic arrangement, you must be a hundred percent sure this type of cohabitation will work for you. If you have second thoughts, just don’t do it, because otherwise, it can get awkward. And really complicated!

Here are the necessary things you have to consider when getting involved in a three-way relationship.

Define your priorities up front

This means to ask yourself what you are looking for. Is it just some fun and no-strings-attached sex to refresh your stale relationship? Is it short or long-term love? Or you want this because you’ve always felt there’s something missing in the relationship with your partner, and you think that might be a third guy? Answering these questions is essential for resolving any future problems that will stem from ambiguous expectations and ill-defined priorities.

Have as many shared activities as possible

Without doubt, one of the main reasons that brought the three of you together is sex, but you shouldn’t make it the sole shared activity you all enjoy. Here are some suggestions about fun activities that don’t involve dicks and butts.

Trimming a beard. The necessary condition is that at least one of you has a beard. Soaking in a hot, bubbling jacuzzi. An access to a jacuzzi tub is a must! Cooking. This might be a little problematic, because you know what they say, too many cooks spoil the broth. Playing video games or watching movies/videos. We heartily encourage you to revisit the collection of homemade videos of the three of you doing naughty things to each other.

Do not leave the room over hurt feelings

Number one rule in any polyamorous relationship is to establish intimacy and good communication within your inner circle of trust. It’s hard to achieve a symmetrical three-way relationship, that’s for sure. The two people involved first usually have a stronger bond. But that doesn’t mean that at some point, the third person won’t get the upper hand and make a partner from the original couple feel left behind. That’s why it’s important to talk all the burning issues out, and try to fix them before all the good stuff you have among the three of you goes down the drain.

Have your private spot

Make sure from the very beginning of this non-traditional cohabitation that each of you has his private spot. Sharing the king bed should be exclusively for sex or when watching a movie together. If two of you share one bed during nights, that might become problematic in the longer perspective of your relationship. If you don’t have enough space for three beds, then at least take turns when sleeping in couples. That way, no-one will feel ignored because he snores, or farts, or talks in his sleep, or because he’s the worst cuddler.

Be aware of the human leeches!

Remember Jack McFarland from the popular sitcom Will and Grace? Jack is a wannabe actor, novelist, cage dancer, surfer, playwright, etc., who is always penniless and relies on the benevolence of his dedicated friends to support his existence of a “struggling artist.” Although Jack is an adorable gay man, keep in mind that he’s just a TV character, and you certainly don’t want someone like him living permanently with you and your partner. Everybody in your household should realize that things must be shared: not only sex, love, fun, devotion, and trust, but also the usual domestic stuff, the chores, AND the bills!

What if…

Two of you want to have sex, and the third one is not in the mood? That’s certainly a tough one. Should the two of you go for it, or just keep your penises, pardon, horses in the stable? We’d suggest the second option because it’s the more ethical one, but if it’s a burning-balls emergency (and in many case, it is!), then you should opt for the sex thing. How you deal with the third partner after you two are done, we leave it to you and your conscience. As we said, this is a tough one.

The moral of the story:

Plural relationships don’t have to be any more difficult than monogamous relationships.

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