Congratulations! If you’re reading this, that means you’ve decided (or are at least considering) to experience your first gloryhole. Savor this feeling, for this moment shall ultimately prove to be among the most important in your life, alongside others such as getting married, graduating from school, and so on. Once you’re virginal penis crosses the threshold of that bathroom stall puncture, there’s no going back. You are finally a man. But before basking in the titularly-assured glory of the hole, you must first heed these six tips. Gloryholes are great, but pose some dangers too!

1. Find a good gloryhole

Your first task is to locate a quality gloryhole. Part of that task involves researching the legality of these things (Protip: it’s not always legal). You can’t just wander around LA looking to stick your dick in any old 4-inch-diameter hole in a wall. Unless you’ve done the research, there almost certainly won’t be another horny dude on the other side. Generally your best bet is going to be bathrooms of adult theaters, bookstores, bars, clubs, or private residences.

2. Start by saying hello with a finger

Now, let's say that you suddenly find yourself situated within the walls of a gloryhole. The first thing to do is take off all your clothes and get at least semi-hard. If you notice another fellow in an adjacent stall, you can initiate contact by wiggling a finger through the hole, which is how you say “hello” in international gloryhole signaling. Give him a moment to respond, and if he seems interested, then you’re in business.

3. Show if you want to top or bottom by shoving a body part in

Next comes a bit of negotiation. The two of you need to figure out who’s going to make the other cum, and how they’re going to go about it. Depending on your intentions, you can signal by either sticking your erect cock through the hole or pressing your ass up against it. These are pretty clear indicators of what you’re after.

4. Always bring protection

There’s no glory whatsoever unless you use protection. Always bring condoms and pass one to him before things get going. Thank me later!!!

5. Respect anonymity

As the name suggestions, getting clocked by a coworker in a gloryhole isn’t always something that you want to happen. To prevent accidental reunions of old friends, it’s best to respect the code of anonymity. In that same vein, try keeping the chitchat to a minimum.

6. Understand there's a real human on the other side

Ultimately, gloryholes are just another way for two consenting people to have sex. Anonymity and the physical partition can abstract things to the point where you forget that there’s another living, breathing human on the other side. Be aware of what they’re signaling to you. Like, if he suddenly stops sucking your dick and sticks his dick in the hole instead, that means it's your turn. ;)

Follow these steps and you’ll be sure to have an amazing (and safe and legal) time at the gloryhole!