If your two main hobbies include sucking dick and playing video games, then you’re a member of the club we like to call “gaymers.” Gaymers are an elite crew that share a unique sense of community within their own niche of the gay community. And if you’re a gaymer, here are seven moments that you have definitely experienced:
1. Making pretend boyfriends in the Sims
Every gaymer was obsessed with some sandbox roleplaying game like The Sims or Animal Crossing. Be honest with yourself, you definitely built imaginary boyfriend avatars for yourself and fantasizes about dating and / or having virtual sex with them. Too bad no guy has ever been as good since...
2. Comparing body types to Pokemon
Every gaymer has at least once thought to himself something like, “I’m more of a Machop than a Machoke” or “Who is this Jigglypuff-lookin-ass bitch”. Some gays like to use the animal kingdom to describe various body types, but gaymers will stick their Pokedexes. Thanks, but no thanks, Snorlax.
3. Always choosing Soldier 76 in Overwatch
If you play Overwatch, you know that there is only one character viable in the current meta. And that’s the fierce, fabulous, and queet Soldier 76. Hubba hubba.
4. Always picking the female characters in Smash
I mean, those anime swordsman boys are cute… but, a real gaymer knows to main Peach, Rosalina, Zelda, or any of the badass bitches in the Smash roster. Why? Because it feels right.
5. Knowing how to respond when guys on dating apps ask you for your stats
When a gaymer matches with a guy on a dating app and the dude asks for his stats, the gaymer always knows to respond: “Str 6, Spd 11, Luck 6, Def 2, Res 3”
6. The elusive gaming blowjob
Every gaymer knows that the final boss of sexual favors is the gaming blowjob. This act involves one guy on he knees sucking dick while the other guy is enraptured in high quality video game content. It’s the closest thing to heaven on earth.
7. Loving every minute of these new gay protagonists!
Sorry to the straight gamers who are panicking now that developers are beginning to add more LGBTQ characters into their games! Gay people exist in real life and also exist in the video game world! And as gaymers, we are ecstatic to see it!
