Article written by Maya Vukovska

Do you remember the last time you had a really bad date? You had a serious case of diarrhea, your Tinder date showed up half an hour late at the coffee shop, your credit card had been declined, and the guy's breath smelled as if a squirrel had died in his mouth the previous day. On top of all this, he didn't stop asking you about your exes. And this was the last drop which actually made it not only bad, but the worst date ever.

As a rule, exes are a sensitive topic, something we are not supposed to talk about the way we discuss breakfast options. Especially when we are trying to connect with a new partner! I'm not saying it’s wrong to ask your lover about their previous relationships; just keep in mind that past happenings are not a good predictor of future results. Now that you’ve been officially warned, here are seven questions you should avоid asking your boyfriend.

Is his dick bigger than mine?

Are muffins better than cupcakes? Is Missouri longer than Mississippi? Is Heath Ledger’s Joker better than Joaquin Phoenix’s? Honestly, who cares! Biggest penis contests belong to sixth grade. Even if his ex was hung like a horse it doesn’t mean he was a better lover. Comparing parts of your anatomy with the one of your lover's exes will end up with you feeling down, down, down.

Do you still follow him on social media?

Although you already know the answer and it’s “Yeah, occasionally,” the more disturbing part about this question is that you, too, follow your ex on social media. But it’s not a biggy. Social media is a huge part of our everyday life and the fact that your man hasn’t unfollowed his ex after the break-up does not necessarily mean he still has a thing for him. It’s just curiosity. Plus, if he’s on good terms with his ex and is not even trying to hide it speaks loudly about his dedication to the current relationship. With you.

Have you been thinking of getting your ex back?

This question somehow naturally follows the previous one. It must be the masochistic personality that lives inside your bipolar mind who wants to know what the chances are of the two former lovers to get back together. Hello, Mr. Norman Bates!

Have you ever been physically or mentally abused by your ex?

It’s actually a very legit question to ask because It’s important that you know if your partner is struggling to overcome past trauma. The problem with this question, though, is that it shouldn’t be raised by you. Let your boyfriend decide whether to tell you or not. If you suspect that there’s something about his past relationship that torments him but he's hesitant to say what it is, encourage him to pour his soul by sharing a similar story of yours. If you have one of course.

Did your friends like your ex more than me?

Once again, comparison is a very treacherous road to go. Pushing your boyfriend to compare two completely different people is not only nonsensical but also stupid. And what if he starts complimenting his ex? I’ll tell you what - it’ll only make you feel the urge to prove yourself as a much better version of the ex. But do you really have to? Just think about it: Everything your partner expects from you is to be yourself in this relationship.

Will your ex be willing to meet me?

Seriously, you should stop pushing buttons that can cause a nuclear explosion.

If you could change the past would you two be still together?

If anyone could change the past, the Holocaust wouldn’t have happened because a mysterious guy from the future wearing sneakers and a pair of Levi’s would have redirected Hitler’s career into arts and not politics.

Past relationships are not a taboo topic. After all, talking openly about people you’ve loved shouldn’t be a problem. But! Before you start interrogating your partner about his former lovers, get two things straight: First, why are you asking? And second, how will you react to answers you don’t like? If you consider yourself ready to hear those things, then go ahead and ask away, dear boy, ask away…