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Artilce by: Maya V.

If you are from another planet, and you are still learning Earthlingian, the expression “fuck buddy” might be still unfamiliar to you. In that case, check the dictionary of urban slang, and it’ll tell you that a fuck buddy is “a good friend whom you could never have a relationship with (let alone marry them), but you love to fuck.” Lots and lots!

Although it seems like ultimate fun to have someone you can always rely on for a good fuck, it’s rather naive to believe that adding sex to a friendly relationship won’t lead to complications. Because it often does. Avoiding catching “the feels” requires a lot of hard work. Inevitably, the picture changes its colors at some point, and feelings appear. And usually in just one of the partners. If you’re now going to cite the case of the characters from the 2011 romantic comedy Friends with Benefits, just don’t! This whole mutual feelings crap is an exception to the rule rather than the rule itself.

Here are some much-easier-to-read signs that will help you realize you might be nothing more but a fuck buddy to him.

He is never jealous.

Putting him to the jealousy test can be a game-changer. You tease him by showing him pictures of yourself with other sexy guys - dancing half naked in a club, their hands all over your torso. But instead of putting his stony face on, and ask who they are, he spontaneously starts the game, “Will do him - gorgeous! Won’t do him - awful teeth!” Although many people claim jealousy is a weakness, it is, in fact, one of the most accurate measuring devices showing how invested he is and how he perceives your relationship.

He talks casual.

Your conversations are limited to how his spinning class went, and what he had for lunch at Shake Shack. He never talks about his childhood, his family, his exes, or his job. What’s more, he never texts you hearts or miss-you emojis, but only smiling poop, cocktail drinks, and monkey faces. Language is an important part of sensual and sexual tension, and if serious-slash-sexy talk is absent, it’s bad news. And if he wants to talk less and fuck more, that’s even worse news.

He doesn’t cuddle after sex.

And why would he? Jack Dawson and Rose Bukater cuddle (on a sinking ship, but it still counts). Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal cuddle (when the cows are not watching). People who are in love cuddle. He, however, leaves almost instantly after he’s done with you, providing the same lame excuse, “I have this thing going on.” Hmm, is it possible that this “thing” is called Jared?

He asks you if you’re seeing someone.

Ouch, that one must really hurt. It means that he doesn’t think of himself as your partner, and even encourage you to get yourself a REAL boyfriend. Whether you fuck or date other people does not seem to bother him at all. And only if he knew you get crazy every time he tinder talks to other guys, he’d call you “pathetic”. And probably he’d be right.

He shows no interest in meeting your friends.

And won’t introduce you to his! This means only one thing: you are his secret. This a pretty clear sign he wants to keep this relationship strictly between the two of you. The only part of his life he is willing to share with you is his dick.

He never refers to you as his boyfriend.

The word won’t even slip his tongue! If you happen to meet a friend of his on the street or in the deli, he won’t bother to introduce you by your name, let alone as his boyfriend. Yes, occasionally he might call you by pet names, but that’s only when he wants you to suck his balls, or get him another beer from the fridge.

He doesn’t make plans (with you).

“Let’s have a road trip this weekend!” “Movie night on Thursday?” Whenever you try to include him in your plans, he’ll say something like, “Can’t tell you right now.“ He’s not sure if he can manage Thursday, and certainly won’t share with you what he is planning to do for the rest of his life. It’s time for you to wake up and realize he hangs out with you only when he is bored or/and horny.

And as for the “Shall we get old together?” plans… No way, honey. Catch another train!

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