Statistics show that ⅔ of men will experience significant hair loss by the time they’re 35. I know, I know, sorry to remind you of your impending mortality, but alas, there is no reason to worry. Balding is cute, and bald is hot as hell. Here’s a love letter to all you anxiety-ridden balding men:

Dear balding men,

I know how you feel. That first moment of discovering that the balding has begun, it feels like being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Your hair will wither away and die, and science can do next to nothing to help you. Your hair, a signal of your virility and youth, is leaving you prematurely. Your ability to be loved is now a ticking time bomb. Your mind tells you these things because we gays can’t resist being dramatic as shit. You need to calm the hell down and have a glass of wine. Take a deep breath, sweetie.

Ready? Balding, hair thinning, and full-blown alopecia does not make you less lovable, less fuckable, or even necessarily less youthful looking. In fact, most likely no one will even notice or care. So so so so many guys (everyone eventually?) start to go bald sooner or later. It’s like feeling self conscious about having a belly button. It’s just part of life and doesn’t make me want to have sex with you any less.

‘Cause me personally, I always notice balding guys. You could say they’re my type. A rare, unicorn-like breed momentarily suspended in a transitional phase. Balding guys have heads that tell a story, and they appear to possess maturity beyond their years. And it may or may not be a coincidence that bald guys always seem tougher, more confident, and often more masculine than their furry-topped counterparts.

At the end of the day though, it really doesn’t make much difference to me whether a guy is bald or has a full head of hair. When I’m on my knees looking up, I can’t see the top of your head anyway. ;)