Ask Agatha: I Don't Desire Sex, But I Crave Intimacy
I’m afraid that I am going to be single forever! The older I’ve gotten (I’m way past my prime), the less I’ve desired physical contact. Sex just isn’t on the top of my priority list these days. However, I do crave intimacy. The little things. You know — holding hands as we stroll through the city. Cuddling on the couch, sharing a blanket as we watch our favorite reality shows. Catching glimpses of your partner as he gets excited about an appetizer or cocktail at a new restaurant. This is what I covet in relationships. I know sex is a big part of dating (and a huge part of todays society in general), but surely I can’t be the only asexual person out there. Just because I never desire sex, means I should end up alone? Agatha, is there still hope left for me? Will I find someone who has the same interest as me, that doesn’t prioritize sex in a relationship?
You will most certainly find someone. There are too many people on this planet, for you not to find a match. There are a lot of people that feel the same way that you do, so you’re not alone. Sex is great, but it’s not everything. Yes, there are people who absolutely need sex. Insatiable about it as a matter of fact. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But in the same breath, cherishing the simple, intimate things like holding hands and cuddling — is more than gratifying for others. I think the most important thing in a relationship is compatibility. So while you may have only dated guys that put sex on the table in a “deal or no deal” kind of a way, that doesn’t mean you should give up. Or feel hopeless. All it means is that you simply haven’t found your tribe yet. Dating is difficult terrain to navigate for many people, of all races and sexualities. You just have to put one for in front of the other, continue to be honest — and rest assured, your person will find their way to you. Anything worth having, is worth working for. So yes Drew, there is hope and you will find someone. The perfect someone that’s meant just for you.