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Dear Agatha,

I think I may have ruined a great thing, and I need your advice on how to make things right. The story is, I was getting a rimjob from my number-one fuck buddy. All was going according to plan. I was lost in a world of swirling wet pleasure, but then suddenly it all came crashing down. So enraptured was I that I didn’t notice the warning signs, and my asshole let out a thunderous fart right in his face. Point-blank. He immediately got up and left in disgust, and now he isn’t responding to my texts. I feel awful. I’ll never eat at Chipotle again. Why can I do to get my fuck buddy back?

Broken-hearted but not bloated,

Dear Tim,

Condragulations hon, you’ve reached an ultimatum in your relationship as fuck buddies. But first of all, farting in the face of the man whose rimming you is definitely a no-no. You’ve just got to be more prepared, Sweetie. I don’t care how sweet those beans smell. Being a good bottom requires preparation. It happened though and now you’re at a crossroads. You describe this guy as your number one fuck buddy, but unless there’s some stronger attachment with him, I think it may be time to just let him go. Gay couples with stronger bonds can learn to laugh about these things, or even grow closer as a result. If a little fecal matter is enough to storm out of the house in a hissy-fit, then you’re probably just better off letting him leave.


Agatha Spilltea

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