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Dear Agatha,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a long time now, and well… I’ve seen him change… a lot. The boy I fell for was pretty much what you would call a fem. He loved traditionally “girly” TV shows, he dressed cute and occasionally slutty, and was just otherwise a sweet feminine man. I went crazy for him and our sex at that time was among the best in my life. The problem is, we’re both in university and he recently joined the rugby team. Over the past six months, I’ve witnessed a total transformation. He gained 50 pounds of muscle, rocks a buzz cut, and even got a tattoo! The way he behaves has changed too. Maybe it’s just from hanging out with all these rough, straight guys, but it feels like someone just give him an injection of testosterone. He’s gone from sweet fem twink to masc jock. But… I think I prefer the old him. What do I do?


Femless in Seatle


Sorry to hear that your wolf-man finally found his full moon. Listen, there’s no way of knowing if this is a phase or him really stepping into who he is. College is supposed to be a time for transformations. But it’s important to isolate this into the distinct factors at play: his physical transformation and his personality change. My guess is the former will stick around longer than the latter. He’s probably emulating behavior he learned from his teammates, and if you have a problem with specific parts of that, then for the sake of your relationship you should talk about it. On the other hand, the fact that he’s now in Hulk-mode might be worth hanging on to. Imagine his original fem self, but inside his sexy jock body? Seems like perhaps that could be the best of both worlds. Either way, can you ever really change people? Let him grow and be himself, and if the new him doesn’t float your boat anymore, kindly tell him thanks but not thanks.


Agatha Spilltea

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