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Dear Agatha,

So, this past Fall I hurriedly ran into a relationship with this guy after hooking up a couple of times. Maybe it was just the cuffing season energy, but we kinda fell for each other quickly. Long story short, this relationship didn't last through the holidays. Turns out we're pretty incompatible in a lot of ways, and in retrospect we should have just stayed hookup buddies. It was a pretty messy breakup and we haven't spoken in a while. But... well, we live in a cold, smallish Midwestern city, and it is nice to have someone to stay warm with at night. What I'm trying to say is that I totally understand why he texted me asking if he could come over to just cuddle (and nothing more.) I'm kinda freaking out though--he just texted me minutes ago and I don't know what to say! Please draft the response text for me, Agatha!!!


Dear Jake,

It's so easy to do in a text... to undo all the painful pangs of separation that naturally occur you get over someone. Regardless of your ultimate incompatibility, there will still be a process of psychic healing as your wounded sense of intimacy recovers. You're kidding yourself if you think cuddling doesn't mean anything more than two platonic individuals keeping each other warm. Think about why you broke up. Do you want to go through this whole song and dance a second time? A good response to this text might read, "You know this isn't a good idea." If you're truly just cold, there's lots of other warm bodies in the Midwest. Or buy a damn space heater.

Agatha Spilltea

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