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Be Honest, You've Tried to Suck Your Own Dick

Posted on April 16, 2018 by Andrew Christian

Studies show that fewer than 1% of men possess the ability to suck their own dicks. I’m also pretty sure that another study probably showed that 100% of guys have attempted to suck their own dick. Gay and straight alike, the temptation is simply too powerful. “Hmm… I wonder if I have the innate power to receive a blowjob anytime I want?” How could anyone not check?

So too, there’s something strangely poetic about the act of autofellatio, as the scientists call it. Like Ouroboros (the snake eating its own tail), sucking your own dick seems to have something to do with the nature of the universe. Hakuna matata, if you will.

Perhaps this is why we’re all drawn it. Regardless, the limitations of spinal cords and rib cages prevent the vast majority of us from ever learning what our dicks taste like (well, some of you might actually already know ;)) Some brave men have attempted to use yoga, hanging upside down, or literally removing ribs to achieve the feat, but to no avail. It seems if you’re not blessed with prodigious flexibility and a huge penis, you’re doomed to receiving blowjobs from others.

The fascination will always remain though, because although sucking your own penis is essentially just masturbation, it’s way more intense. And unlike simply stroking your own dick, which leaves room for your imagination to turn that hand into your favorite reality TV star’s asshole, autofellatio involves literally licking your own penis. I consider myself to have a powerful imagination when it comes sex (it’s really gotten me out of some tricky situations), but the moment I swallow my own cum is the same moment when my ability to suspend my disbelief fails.

I’ve accepted that I’ll never be able to suck my own dick, physically or emotionally. But wow, I am a huge fan of the fact that some people can. Humanity put a man on the moon, and we put a man’s cock in his own mouth. As with both of these great human achievements, most of us must bask in the glory by proxy. We can’t actually go to the moon, and we can’t actually suck our own personal penis. But humanity can! And there’s videos of both too! ;) So I can close my eyes, jerk off, and pretend that I’m sucking my own dick. That’s something my imagination can do. That’s one small lick for man, and one giant suck for mankind. ;)

*** Andrew Christian Inc. does not claim rights to any images posted in this blog post. If you find your picture here and would like to have it credited or removed please email acblog@AndrewChristian.com

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