Dealing with Your Partner’s Parents

Article written by Kendra Beltran

As the freshest of princes once proclaimed, parents just don’t understand. Yes, not every parental unit out there verges on insane, but some can be - a bit much. Of course, this is especially true when it comes to someone else’s parents. Say like, your partners! From the overbearing to the downright haters, we’re talking about how to deal with all sorts of problematic parents.

The Overbearing

Also known as a helicopter parent, overbearing parents can be a lot to handle because they always seem to be right on your ass every time you turn around. Your partner probably hasn’t noticed or doesn’t have an issue with it because this is totally normal for them and how they grew up, but it doesn’t mean you have to live with their parent(s) hovering over every decision the two of you make. Start with talking to your partner about their parent(s). Don’t come at them with any malice, just point out that you two are grown-ass people and you don’t love the idea of their parent(s) being the third (and/or fourth) wheel in your life. Once the two of you have talked, don’t make them face their overbearing parent(s) alone. Stand tall, and brave with them because it is not easy to break up with anyone who is overbearing.

The Aloof

On the opposite end of the spectrum are parents that just don’t seem to care and while that may be great compared to an overbearing parent, this can put a damper on your partner’s mental health if they believe their parents don’t want to bother with them. This isn’t an easy conversation to have, so I don’t think busting down their parent’s door and saying, “Hey, love your child!” is the thing to do but you can make an effort to get their parents more involved in the two of your lives by inviting them over more, suggesting dinners at their place, and so forth. In this case, perhaps a little push is what they both need.

The Basic

There are worse things than being basic, which we’ll get to, but OMFG it can be painful to sit around with parents who are just plain Jane, vanilla bean in a sugar cone with no sprinkles. When faced with a partner’s parents who are a snoozefest, remember it’s not the end of the world, and there is definitely a fix. Find anything, and I mean anything, where there is common ground between you; sports, a TV show, even a restaurant. This will give you at least one thing you can steer the conversation towards when they start rattling on about their church group or whatever.

The Politically Incorrect

We still have people walking around who’ve lived through different eras who aren’t necessarily woke to the idea of not being racist, homophobic, sexist pieces of trash. This can and will rub anyone the wrong way who didn’t grow up around that or doesn’t want that type of behavior around them. For this, small conversations are the way to start but if after a healthy amount of time it just seems to end in their parents arguing their idiotic ways, the best thing do to is to put distance between you and them whenever necessary. Limit your time with them because it’s the 21st century and anyone living in the past needs to learn that we don’t have time for their bullshit. If they have a problem with anyone for any reason that is based on something like race or sexuality, then they aren’t the type of people you want to be around anyway. Especially if they can’t find acceptance in their heart for their own child and who their child loves.