Ditching Grooming to Go Natural?

Article by Maya Vukovska

Everyone wants to look good - no matter if they are supermodels or your 85-year-old aunt who still won’t leave home without lipstick and her hair done. And for some gay men, personal grooming is not just a part of the daily body maintenance routine, it’s a religion. The COVID-19 outbreak not only turned our lives upside down but also drastically changed our grooming habits. The pandemic uprooted our ways of being in this world and altered our perspective on the importance of looks, and the perception of beauty in general. At some point, it became not only pointless to dye your grey roots or remove your body and facial hair, but also empowering in some way. It wasn’t about the money - people just stopped giving a flying fuck about whether they’d be seen in their PJs on the street or without perfect make-up during a Zoom corporate meeting. The more the hair grew out, the more they got used to it, and the more they felt like ‘Finally, it’s me, it’s who I am - no pretenses, no false eyelashes, no nothing!’ With the pandemic being mostly over, most of us have quickly returned to our old selves and the lifestyle we were used to before the shit hit the fan. Others, however, embraced the new trend of being “all-natural”, and have stuck to it ever since. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being au naturel, but what is concerning though is that many gay men, being part of the societal caste famous for their exquisite taste for fashion and style, are now ditching even the basic hygienic habits in order to promote self-love and individuality. Recently, I came upon a reader’s letter published in a popular gay-orientated online magazine. A man was complaining about his boyfriend who had recently decided to embrace his “natural” side: he stopped wearing deodorant, only shampooed his hair once a month, and sent the trimmer into indefinite exile. According to the anonymous “plaintiff”, the boyfriend uses only natural soap which smells even worse than his armpits and brushes his teeth only when he feels like it. With all factors combined, Mr. Anonymous doesn’t find him attractive anymore, sow now, he is facing a dilemma: Should he break up with “the smelly cat” or try to adjust to his new lifestyle? I very much doubt that this private case will have a happy ending because first of all, I can’t imagine how you make out with someone with B.O. And second of all, studies have confirmed that hygiene is an issue that either makes or breaks a relationship or a dating connection if not executed properly. Here are some of the issues that are considered deal-breakers when it comes to hygiene habits and dating.

Oral care

Bad breath is not an immediate turn-off only when you are having a conversation with someone online! If bad breath could be smelled through the computer screen, the reaction would be “John has left the conversation”.

Nail care

Back in the day, the supervisors would check the kids’ hands and nails at the school entrance to make sure they were clean and tidy. Dirt, food, and other debris under nails should be considered a crime against humanity. In the study conducted by The International Journal of Impotence Research, a large number of gay men responded to dirty nails as a huge turn-off.

Washing the bits

Some of the people who’ve gone “all-natural” swear that the less they bathe, the healthier their skin feels. It is a fact that if you shower too often, especially using harsh soaps and scrubs, you can strip away the upper skin layer that helps protect the skin from germs and dryness. But to shower only on public holidays and your birthday is a barbaric act of self-neglect.

To trim or not to trim

Facial and body hair is becoming increasingly popular within the gay community. But if you are not taking care of your “hedge”, it’ll grow wild like the Amazon rainforest. And, honestly, nobody really wants to date someone who looks like Tarzan (well, actually some of you probably do). A potential lover may put up with all the fur covering the face and body, but choking on unclean pubic hair during intercourse will make him instantly delete your phone number. The moral of the story is: Hygiene is important - we don’t live in the 17th century anymore when people didn’t have bathrooms in their homes. You may think that this journey with being “natural” is doing you good, but I guarantee that most of the guys you want to sleep with won’t be OK with your soap-free regime. Be yourself and be free from the artifice, sure, But also, you gotta smell nice, hair gotta be done, and nails, too! If you want to get laid, I mean.