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Dreaded "Shit Dick" Plus Other Crazy Sex Mishaps (And How to Avoid Them)

Posted on August 22, 2018 by Andrew Christian

Whether it’s a 3 am hookup or your wedding anniversary, these are all common occurrences that can be anywhere from embarrassing to downright traumatic. The most important thing to remember is that all of these things are normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. However, they could definitely impede on this being the best sex of your life.

Post-Trim Itchiness

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You’ve got a date tonight, and you’re a little bushier down there than you would prefer, so what do you do? First thing’s first; hop in the shower! The warm water and steam are going to open up your hair follicles to help you get off to a good start. Throw a little conditioner down there to soften the hair, and grab a fresh razor to minimize the amount of irritation potential. After you’re done, make spray down the area with as cold of water as you can handle (it sucks, I know) to close back up the follicles, and apply something to soothe the skin (more conditioner, coconut oil, and aloe vera all work great). Now you’re nice and smooth, and ready to make a move!

Cumming Too Soon

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So, you’re hooking up with a super hot guy, and you can feel it. This is amazing sex and you don’t want it to end yet, but your damn is going to burst way sooner than you want. Try focusing more attention on your partner. Give him a long, teasing blowjob. Kiss him from his neck, and play with his nipples. Eat his ass out! It not only can help you from blowing your load too soon, it’ll also make the dude think you’re a wiz in the sheets. You could also try wearing a condom, or getting a lube, that has a mild anesthetic.

This can help make your dick a bit less sensitive. Also squeezing the shaft below the head before you nut can sometimes do the trick.

If you often have an issue with cumming too quick for your liking, try conditioning yourself when you masturbate. Employing the stop-and-start technique can be super beneficial. Edge yourself, then before you get to the point-of-no-return, stop for a moment. Then keep going, and repeat.

Taking Too Long to Cum

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In contrast to our last topic, some guys end up taking way too long to cum, and oftentimes, can only finish by jerking themselves off. It might sound like a dream come true to be able to go for as long as you want, but sex gets tiring after a while!

There’s always new stuff to try! Maybe your sexual routine is becoming monotonous, and it’s time to switch things up. If you only ever have sex in your bed, try moving to the shower, the kitchen, or if you’re feeling extra adventurous, somewhere in public (but you didn’t hear that from me). It also may help to switch up positions; if you’re normally topping, try bottoming and vice versa. It might take a little getting used to because it’s a new sensation, but it can add so many more possibilities to your sex life!

Increasing the amount of foreplay could be all it takes to get your juices flowing a little more. Get creative! Invest in toys, try role play, erotic massages, try out that thing you saw in that porn; you’ll never know unless you try it for yourself.

The Dreaded “Shit Dick”

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It’ll probably happen to you at some point in your life (or already has), and it’s usually not a happy surprise. Thankfully, there are a few precautions you can take to avoid this happening, and some things you also absolutely do NOT want to do.

The easiest option is to invest in a douche. You can order one now from Amazon Prime for about ten bucks and it’ll probably arrive before your next dick appointment. If you’re really in a pinch, rummage through your recycling for a plastic bottle with an opening small enough to fit up there, fill it up with warm water, and clean yourself out until the water is clear.

Your diet can also be your best friend or your worst enemy in this situation. Stick to lighter foods with a lot of fiber that day, and drink plenty of water. Fruits, vegetables, and whole grains should be filling up your plate.

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When you’re cleaning yourself out do NOT be too aggressive, or put soap in your ass. It might help you clean a little faster, but can lead to some real discomfort later.

After all this, if it does end up happening while you’re topping, try and be gracious because your partner is probably going to feel worse about it.

*** Andrew Christian Inc. does not claim rights to any images posted in this blog post. If you find your picture here and would like to have it credited or removed please email acblog@AndrewChristian.com

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