Article written by Maya Vukovska

Usually, it starts great. You have chemistry and sex is great, and he’s kind, and generous, and eats his veggies. Yet, there’s something that deeply bothers you about your new relationship, and makes you tense every time you see him. In the beginning, it’s impossible to give that “something” a proper name. Then, with time, you realize that you’ve invited into your life the type of person you are not comfortable with, and this is what actually crazes you out. But be cool. It can happen even to the best of us: no matter how hard we try to avoid certain types of guys, it seems that we bump into them all the time. The guys that are difficult to get along with. The guys who are simply impossible to date becausе of their awful attitude! It is important to be able to identify the type, so that you can prevent another catastrophic relationship from happening in the future. And this is how you spot a challenging type of gay guy…

The Pessimist

Certainly, you don’t want to waste all you energy supporting and comforting a person who sees everything in black. It will be indeed a Sisyphus effort to try to make someone think a bit more positively if they don’t want to. Probably you wonder how to tell a pessimist from a guy who’s just hit a rough patch and is now full of disappointment, regrets, and bad prognoses not only about his own future, but also about the future of the humankind. It’s easy, actually. First of all, he suspects everyone is cheating. Including you. Second of all, he finds your cheery friends annoying. He’s happy when someone fails - even if it’s you, he just won’t show it! And the final touch of this exuberant portrait of a negative lover is that he gets extremely depressed every time he gets drunk.

Off with his head and out of this relationship!

The Prince of England

This one needs and requires your attention 24/7. Because His Royal Highness believes he ought to have certain things by right. He also believes he is the Sun, and the other people are insignificant little stars and planets that revolve around him. Soon after you’ve started dating him, you realize you have to put your own life on hold in order to serve The Prince. It’s a shame he looks so gorgeous and is at the same time so exhausting and demanding. Since there’s almost a zero chance he abandons the idea he is a VIP for life, you’d better walk out of this relationship before you’ve gone insane.

Judge Judy

He is better than everybody else, and, of course, he’s the epitome of perfection. That’s why he believes it’s his right to judge everyone and everything they do. Your shirt is too tacky, your body not athletic enough, and your preference for music and movies - offensive to good taste. His taste, that is! Unfortunately, if you stick around this guy long enough, you might start believing in his crap, and even adopt the same judgemental attitude.

The Emotional Terrorist

vThis is the guy you used to date. You broke up a long time ago, but one night he has too many drinks, and texts you “Hey little bug, I miss ya”. This seemingly innocent text triggers the gravitational pull between you two, and all the unresolved issues emerge from the debris of your “complicated” past. Although you know this guy is trouble, it becomes impossible to not succumb to his irresistible “Hey you”. And before you realize it, you’re AGAIN in the middle of a love mess the only escape from which is to break it off…AGAIN. First of all, because you know how it’s gonna end, and second of all, because he, of course, has a serious boyfriend. That’s not you, obviously.

The Business Man

Deeply in you heart, you know this relationship is strategic. He dates you because you’re of some use to him, and because your availability fits perfectly into his business schedule. Sadly, the minute you become useless, he’ll throw you away like an old hat and go on with his climbing towards the top. Let go of the guy, and see him enjoy loneliness at the top.

Mr Blue

You can’t decide whether he’s constantly in a bad mood, or is clinically depressed. Either way, this guy is impossible to date because no matter how many efforts you put into trying to make his day, he’s always miserable. In our stressful, busy everyday lives, It’s a challenge enough to maintain your own level of happiness, let alone carry someone’s jolly burden on your shoulders. We don’t ask you to be selfish or unwilling to help, but you know what the old proverb says - misery loves company.

April 25, 2019 — Andrew Christian