You heard me, bitch. I said there’s never a reason not to swallow. Yep, spitting is for quitters. If you’re giving a blowjob, and he cums in your mouth, it’s simply rude, disrespectful, and un-sexy to spit it out. If your boyfriend cooks you dinner, then you're going to tell him that it tastes delicious no matter how overcooked the chicken is. If you spit out his cooking in disgust, the relationship would basically be over right then and there. Why then is it okay to spit out his special sauce?

Let’s break down exactly why you should never spit out jizz. Say you find yourself in a situation where a man just ejaculated in your mouth. (We’re also going to assume in this case that previously giving him a blowjob.) You’ve now reached a crossroads: swallow or spit. The cum is already in your mouth, so the path of least resistance is to simply gulp down that perfectly edible and healthy distilled manifestation of your shared passion. And after swallowing, you can smile and stare into his eyes, knowing that your commitment to consumption was the icing on that blowjob cake. Swallowing communicates to him that, now that the sex act is over, you don’t immediately regret it. In fact, you actually savor every last drop of his orgasm. And even if you didn’t enjoy the flavor, it’s the polite thing to do. Remember that karma has a way of coming back around to you.

The other option, of course, is to spit. Come on, dude. You’ve just finished performing the most intimate of acts, sucking sacred Yggdrasil dew from the stamen of manhood, ingesting pure life-force energy--and you’ve chosen to spit it on the ground. Real nice. This says to your partner, “Yuck, you’re gross. I was doing you a favor and now it’s over so I can stop pretending.” Even if the two of you have an otherwise perfect relationship, the subliminal effects of long-term spitting can be incredibly destructive.

Have I convinced you? If you’re a habitual spitter, just try swallowing next time and see how it goes. You might like it. Regardless, Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” And trust me, I practice what I preach.

This article is a work of fiction and should not be considered genuine sexual advice