How to Avoid Being Lonely and Horny after 50

Article written by Maya Vukovska

Let me reveal a secret to you: it's only not women who freak out about getting older when they turn 40. It’s men, really. The primal reason why many guys, no matter gay or straight, fear the old age is that because they think they are probably going to lose both their sex appeal and… their erection. Getting older can be ugly, and yes, it’s not for sissies, as Bette Davis wisely put it. Yet, not everything stops after 40, or 50, or 60. I don’t want to sound like some screenwriter who creates cheesy content for the Hallmark channel, but I do believe one is never too old to find love and… sex! Being a gay man in your golden years, doesn’t mean you have to bury your head (and your penis!) in the sand like a scared ostrich. At any age, you can still go out there and hunt for your Mr. Right. And this is how you do it.

Make peace with the new reality

Except for Dorian Grey, no one has ever got prettier and younger with time. And if you’re not exactly a British literature aficionado, let me remind you Dorian is not a Dancing with the Stars contestant, but a fictional character. Which means he is not for real. Nobody’s getting younger. Life is not a 100m race, but a marathon, and you do not have to look like Matt Bomer to be a winner. You’ve earned your age. You’ve earned where you stand right now. And nobody can take this away from you. Cher’s been trying for decades now to turn back time, but it hasn’t worked even for her. So, fuck it, and go on with your life. At full throttle.

Experience is on your side

Your age is actually your biggest advantage. Remember how insecure and confused you were stepping onto the gay dating scene at the age of 21? You had to fight social prejudices, gain self-esteem, and keep it, which back then was a pretty hard thing to do. But now, it’s all behind you. You’ve learned the rules of the game, and you’ve followed them for years. And you worked on yourself! So don't let some ageist bullshit bring you down! Thriving at any period of one’s life is an attitude thing, really. It has nothing to do with one’s birth date.

Don’t get out of shape

You are afraid that men don’t find you attractive anymore, and that’s the thought stopping you from dating. But sex, like any other physical activity, be it gardening or jogging, is all about being in shape. So, what’s very important is not abdicating from your body. Don’t you dare give your body a break just because you are 50 or 68! And don’t let yourself being intimidated by all those young, hot bodies at the gym! Go there and work your ass off. My humble advice is to put more emphasis on stretching before engaging in any type of exercises.

Groom yourself!

Nobody wants to go to bed with a guy who looks like Robinson Crusoe! You may be a “dirty old man” in your head, but your body and face should look as perfect as the murals in the Sistine Chapel. If you don’t want to get rid of your graying beard, it’s OK. Just find the appropriate products to keep your facial hair well maintained, and not messy and disheveled. Exfoliate and moisturize your face regularly. Here are some unconventional grooming tips your lovers would appreciate.
Powder you balls.
Shave the back of your neck.
Fix your unruly eyebrows.
You’re welcome.

Internal orgasms are not the end of the world

Some men at 50+ experience what is called a retro orgasm - when they cum, no jizz comes out. What happens is that semen shoots back into the bladder and later, it goes out with the pee. It may sound repulsive , but it’s perfectly normal. On the bright side, the intensity of your orgasms is much, much higher than before. Although you might have to explain to your younger partners why no sperm comes out of your penis, there’s no way he’s missed how powerful your orgasm is! And will probably envy you for that.

Experiment!

Now it’s the time to try new things in bed. Bondage, leather, shaving, role playing… sky is the limit. And if you are still embarrassed about your ageing body, keep in mind that the sexiest part of your body, of any body, really, is not the ass, or the abs, or the flat stomach. It’s the brain!

Now, my elderly friend, go out and play! ;)