How to Be a Good Sub for Your Dom and… Yourself
Article written by Maya Vukovska
Sex therapists and psychologists claim that kinksters who not only fantasize about doing “naughty” stuff with their partners, but actually include their kinks into their sex life are, as a rule, happier and mentally more stable than the average person. A classical kinkster can, for example, derive pleasure from the D/s sex dynamics as opposed to vanilla/versatile sex. A gay man who is into the power play thing indulges in a fantasy about being in control and dominating his partner. Hes imagine the other guy lying beneath him during anal, letting him doing what he pleases to him, be it chocking, ass-to-mouth, etc. If you recognize yourself as a shining example of a submissive bottom, but want to get even better in making your dom growl of pleasure, here are some useful tips.
Make sure your dom is a perfect fit
As you probably know, GGG is a term which stands for “good (in bed), giving (of equal pleasure) and game (for anything)”. In order to be GGG, first you need to make sure your dom is your perfect fit. Or a close-enough fit. It’s important that you find yourself a guy whose desires align with your own. Otherwise, the sex will always be a tiresome, unfulfilling pastime. And nobody wants that, do they?
Servicing a selfish top
With some guys, the dominance fetish is a manifestation of their overall desire to be in control. They want to always play the decision-maker AND the punisher in a master/slave relationship. If you feel comfortable being in a relationship with that kind of an alpha male, then you’d better prepare yourself to service your “master” without reciprocation. That means: if he tells you to blow him without being blown, you do it! If he insists that you worship his cock while yours is not even allowed out of your pants to play, you comply! If he wants you to make him come and forbids you to come yourself, don’t you dare show discontentment! Outside bedroom, he may be the nameless, invisible guy servicing the copiers and printers in your office, but in bed, he is your commander, your God, your everything.
Being a sub is about not enjoying things
With all the above said, you must’ve already figured out that the whole concept of being a submissive is doing things you SHOULD NOT enjoy! This, of course, is impossible in practice because… well, because your sexual self actually enjoys being objectified by your partner. How you deal with this conundrum situation, so that everybody gets their equal piece of the pie? Easy. You let yourself derive maximum pleasure from the whole submissive thing, but at the same time make your dom believe you hate what he’s doing to you. After all, that’ll guarantee not only yours, but his sexual gratification, too.
Is it OK to receive romance from your dom?
Of course, it’s OK. Although you need to define “romance”… under the given circumstances. This is how I, personally picture a sub-dom romance: Your dom commands you to write his name with the tip of a sewing needle on your inner thigh. It’s pretty much like carving your first crush’s name on your school desk, and you have to agree that’s totally cute and romantic!
What about love?
The fact that you dom leads you around on a leash and pets you like a golden retriever doesn’t mean you can’t be a normal couple or that he humiliates you because he hates you. Quite the contrary. If you are not doing a sex binge, and it’s your long-term partner we’re talking about, you should be able to receive now and then flowers, a bottle of Pinot Grigio, or, fingers crossed, a new Cabrio, as a token of your dom’s love and affection. The thing is that even in a sub/dom relationship, the play, no matter how kinky it is, is based on love’s three most hackneyed, yet fundamental elements - lust, trust, appreciation.
BDSM is not mandatory
But it’s a must. As a dom, no matter if experienced or not, you must already know what turns you on. If bondage, BDSM, etc. are among those things, but you are still not sure whether you should be open about this, I recommend that you go ahead without fear! If you’re looking for a dom, your kinks will definitely be your selling value!
Do not get involved with the first dom with whom you play
And I’ll tell you why, and you’ll have to totally agree with me. If you don’t enjoy spending time with your dominant guy outside the privacy of your home/garage/designer BDSM sex room, you don’t really want to spend many, many precious years with him, either. Con-reason number one: At a later point in his life, your dom partner may suddenly discover he gets off on being with charge. What do you do then, eh?
