Article written by Rahmel Reid

There are friends, and then there are wingmen. Now the definition of a wingman can vary depending on who you ask, but essentially it’s someone who aides in your mission on a social night out. Now that mission could be strictly to hook-up with someone, or to get someone’s number in an attempt to pursue something beyond just sex. Either way, your wingman is in on the plan and (hopefully) understands the assignment. But, not everyone is a good wingman. Sometimes they fuck up and you might have to shoot them a certain look/text or just kick them under the table. So, how does one be the perfect gay wingman?

YOU’RE NOT THE STAR, YOU’RE THE CO-STAR

You have to understand the role that you’re playing before you enter a social situation. You are in support of the main character and their goals. It’s not your place to land the best joke or line. It’s not for you to be the most charming. Don’t show up out dressing them either, bitch you better wear a basic shirt, jeans and some converse. Your job as the wingman is to let the spotlight shine on your friend, not to steal it.

NO COCK-BLOCKING

Do not hate on your friend that you’re playing wingman for. If you see that he’s vibing with someone, don’t keep on trying to participate in the conversation. Pull your phone out and scroll through your social media. If he ends up making out with someone, don’t huff and puff and make things awkward. The whole night was about trying to get him laid or to secure a date, you knew what you signed up for. And most importantly, if he ends up wanting to leave the bar with someone else for some instant gratification (wink, wink), literally do not be a cock blocker. Let him do his thing, don’t give him a hard time because he wants to call it an early night. You have yourself another drink or two and then take your ass home.

YOU’RE PLAYING DEFENSE

As we referenced earlier, your friend is the main character if you’re paying wingman. So think of him as the quarterback (I know, I know - a sports reference, bare with me). But every one plays an important role on this two man team. If he’s the quarterback, then it’s your job to play defense. Block anyone that’s trying to fuck up the vibe that he’s going for. Especially if you see that he’s engaging with someone, don’t allow another person to infiltrate their chemistry. You have to block them from all of the other dick hungry or ass obsessed people in the venue. Know your position, and then play it!

ROLLING WITH THE PUNCHES

Listen, spontaneity will likely ensue on nights like this. You may end up bar hopping, going to a few different spots throughout the night, or even having multiple rounds of drinks because there’s so much small talk and people gauging that is occurring. It’s not your place to bitch and moan, just roll with it. Be an optimist and just roll with the punches.

HIS BIGGEST CHEERLEADER

I guess this point sums it all up, but your job ultimately is to cheer your buddy on. You should want to be his biggest cheerleader. Speak of his best qualities. Let everyone around know just how cool he is. Give him all the glory. Showcase him in the best light possible. Bitch, even if you have to exaggerate a little bit. Cheer him on emotionally, give him the confidence he needs. So start practicing your cheerleader routine pronto.

April 20, 2023 — Andrew Christian