Article written by Rahmel Reid

Old habits die hard. Bitch, don’t I know it. They say it can take anywhere between 18 and 254 days to either break or form a new habit. But how do I shake my addiction to a constant dicking in a mere matter of weeks or months? Surely whoever did this study didn’t consider a gay man with an insatiable sex drive and a premium membership to one of those sex apps. There are many reasons as to why you may have to make lifestyle adjustments when it comes to your sex life. The biggest reason we as men tend to encounter is that we find ourselves in a budding, new relationship. But if I’ve been scratching my itching for dicking, gratifyingly for the last 5-10 years, how am I supposed to just give it up abruptly? I can’t just quit cold turkey, or cold cock in this case. But, there’s hope. Being in a relationship means a lot of things, but one of them is definitely compromise. So how does a former hoe blend his past life with his new relationship?


Now I’m not saying that you have to reveal your hoe card right away, you want to play your hand a little smarter than that. But at some point, whoever you’re looking to build a relationship with should know about your desires. Not necessarily all of the details about your past life, but they should at least know who you are inside and out. Maybe your core values? What do you crave? What makes you get lost in thought as you commute to work? It doesn’t make sense to suppress your desires, kinks, fetishes and any other things that make you happy. To suppress it to yourself or to your partner. Now it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will like it, but at least you guys are putting it all on the table. And between the two of you, you’ll figure out if there’s room for it or not.


If you do find yourself in a new relationship, yet constantly reminiscing on the old carefree and spontaneous life that you once lived — it may be time to have a conversation with your man. What if he was open to the idea of an open relationship? Maybe he would enjoy blossoming into a voyeur and watching his man, pleasure another man. What if the idea of you being an insatiable hoe to others but coming home to cuddle with him, turned him all the way on? Tallying up how many loads you’re able to communicate throughout the day. But there are the chances that it may go the complete opposite way. Regardless, you have to have these slightly awkward and uncomfortable conversations. I mean, there’s nothing new under the sun. Especially under the sun in a LGBTQ+ community. We’ve heard it all before. It just comes down to whether we want to hear it again in this new relationship.


This can be applied to everything in life. Alcohol, frivolous spending, hell… even bacon. But if you and your man have a certain understanding and he’s aware that you love him — but you crave sex 24/7, you still need to be aware that you are indeed in a relationship. Gluttony never leads to anything good, that includes your insatiable sexual appetite while in a relationship. To what degree? That’s between you and your man to determine. But you know how that saying goes, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I think you need to find a healthy balance for this type of relationship and the dynamics that surround it. If you truly respect your man and the relationship you’re in, it may be easier to adhere to a moderate hoe(ish) lifestyle. Again, this is if both parties are accepting of this peculiar lifestyle. But if you have no regard for how he feels and it’s solely about feeding your hunger (for hung men), girl stop wasting that mans time.


The last tidbit most certainly leads to this next point. What are you prioritizing in your relationship? Can you focus on multiple things at once? Absolutely. But if your man feels like you are prioritizing something else above him and/or the relationship — you may have to reassess and make some swift changes. For example, if you know you and your man fuck every night after work — why would you then actively seek out a bottom at the gym to go and breed in the shower stall? So now you’re satisfied, but you have nothing left to give your man later that evening. That is beyond selfish and inconsiderate. Don’t let your insatiable appetite cause friction in your relationship. Your needs, wants and desires absolutely matter. But you’re no longer galavanting around your city as a single and eligible bachelor — you have to consider your partners needs as well. As Carrie Bradshaw once said to a selfish Petrovsky, “I’m in this relationship too! I am a person, in this relationship, have you any idea what its been like for me here?” That may very well be how you’re leading your partner to feel. Things to keep in mind as you continue to navigate these two worlds. Gosh, would we even know how to exist in relationships without Sex and the City?


At the end of the day, this is the most important thing to factor in when trying to blend these two worlds. Quite frankly, it’s the most important thing in navigating any relationship. Yes being kind and considerate matters. But you have to keep it real with yourself, your partner and the relationship. You simply have to be honest. About who you are. Your expectations. Do you even want to be in this relationship. What compromises are you willing to make in an attempt to make your relationship work. But in my opinion, the most important thing is being honest about your sexual activity. You are in a relationship with someone, their health can be at risk if you’re being deceitful outside of the two of you — yet you’re still coming home, sticking your dick down his throat. That’s foul. It’s also bad karma. And if his health never even crosses your mind, or no guilt trickles into your thoughts either during or after one of your sneaky links, girl break up with that man you do not care about him and just go be a hoe in peace.