If you’re reading this, then congratulations! You’ve probably booked a ticket for one of the many massive, floating Sodoms that give refuge to those who prefer their marine leisure on the gay side. But before you drop anchor, you eager little sailor you, there’s a few things you should know to help ensure that your first gay cruise goes swimmingly. ;)
If you’ve never done a gay cruise before, you’re bound to not pack correctly. Storage space can sometimes be an issue, so pack as lightly as you can. I’m talking only the necessities. Don’t come lugging the entire makeup department of Macy’s up onto the poop deck. And in terms of clothing, remember that you’ll be probably be in a swimsuit for most of your stay. Considering saving even more space by only bringing skimpy little bikinis (we have just the one for you). And make sure you have new underwear for the planned (or unplanned) underwear party. ;)
Also, be sure check the schedule of on-boat parties in advance. You don’t want to be McGivering a mermaid costume at last minute out of seashells and cardboard. Planning ahead is key. Similarly, book all your appointments at the spa and the restaurants as early possible! They fill up fast.
Okay, and real quick: you need to be mentally prepared for your fellow cruisers to being schlepping stuff like horse tranquilizers and Swedish research chemicals. It's just going to be happening no matter what. But while drugs are almost invariably part of any gay cruise, be smart. Never smuggle illegal shit on or off the boat. You don't want to end up in handcuffs in Acapulco? Okay, maybe you do, but definitely not in this context. ;)
As far as hooking up goes, my best advice is to keep an open mind. You probably have images in your head of chiseled, singing, off-duty marines in white thongs lined up from bow to stern. The reality is, gay of men of all body types and walks of life come on gay cruises, so you use this as an opportunity to broaden your sexual horizons! Pro tip: the younger, partying crowd tends to hang out by the pool areas. At night, there's usually a "dick deck" up top by the smokestacks. If you’re looking for something else, explore the boat and see what you find! Just remember, don't flush your condoms unless you want everyone in your adjacent cabins hate you!!!
Demographics can also vary widely based on the particular cruise. Younger guys tend to go on the less-expensive cruises around the Caribbean or Mexico. Sugar daddies can be found river boats through Europe. ;)
If you follow this advice, you're bound for a seaworthy time. ;) Now get out there and meet some seamen! ;)