How to Fuck While Your Roommate Is Home
To add to a classic meme, the cost of living is too damn high. That means many of us grown-ass adults still live with a roommate (or three) depending on which city your ass is in. This translates into many of us having little to no privacy with it comes to our private, intimate moments. Shout out to my partner’s former roommate for not saying shit when he clearly heard us on various occasions, because that shit is awkward. Even if you have been roommates for so long you are basically family, you do not wanna hear another person fucking - unless it is a bomb ass porn clip. So we are gonna break down some ways to ensure that you do not run into those situations ever again, or at least keep them to a minimum.
A group chat among roommates is necessary for so many reasons. If y’all only have one parking space and need to know when the fuck someone needs to move their car, checking to see who is making dinner, and in the case of sex - when and if people will be occupying the homestead so you know whether or not to take the festivities to another locale, or home.
For those who want to be extra about organization, set up a calendar on that site that allows you to do so. Rhymes with poogle. Yeah, that one. That way you will know when they are at work, on a date of their own, their parents, and most importantly when they are not at home so you can fuck as free and as loud as you want.
However, you listen to music, amp it up. Fucking to music not only sets the mood but can also benefit you in that it helps drown out all the primal sounds your ass makes when you are getting your ass ate out by some random 10 you lucked out with when you swiped right.
Not all places are built equally. This we know, but if you are someone who likes to have a lot of sex - at least more than your roommates - then when you are picking a place to live, make sure the rooms are not side by side or across the hall from one another. You will not have to worry about noise control if you are area is far as fuck from theirs.
If you are willing to drop $40 or more on some noise-canceling headphones for your roommate so you can howl like your life depended on it during sex, then by all means - do it. If you ain’t ready to spend that kind of cash, then you can pick up a pack of earplugs from any drug store for no more than $10.
Sometimes it is not even us who are loud, it is what we are fucking on. Creaky beds that sound like haunted house floors every time you move, yeah...not your friend if you are trying to fuck with minimal noise complaints from the roommates. There are several ways to fix a loud bed though; tightening screws, securing the headboard to the wall so it does not clap back like a dissed Queen, or lubing it up with some WD-40.
Use the Shower
Okay, this is only a suggestion if you have your own, or the person you are fucking has been around longer than one night. If either of those is the case, then go balls deep in the shower and let the sound of the water drown out the moans and groans of your passion.