How to Have Great Sex As a Disabled Gay Person
Article written by Maya Vukovska
There are a lot of misconceptions about sex and disability that are still floating around. One of the most persisting myths is that disabled people are asexual beings. But nothing can be further from the truth. Not only do disabled people generally enjoy sex like anybody else, but some of them happen to be hyper-sexual! Another problem gay men with disabilities may face is ableism within the LGBTQ space. Sometimes they feel that they do not belong there and that they are losing their identity. Of course, in many cases sex, being a physical activity, might be problematic, but sex can come in many forms. And still be great. Here’s how.
NB! If your physical disability, like, for example, an injured spinal cord, requires that you are extra careful, it’s vital that you consult a healthcare professional before you get naughty with someone.
Broaden the definition of "sex"
The false idea of penis-into-a-hole penetration as “real sex” can actually leave out not only people with limited mobility, but also non-binary people with gender dysphoria, and even straight, cisgender men and women. Sex is not only about each other’s genitalia. Actually the most potent sexual organ in the body is the brain because sexual pleasure comes exclusively from what happens in our heads. If you cannot use your “privates” to have an orgasm, you can train your brain to do it for you. Working out your personal turn-ons can be done through different techniques: deep breathing and relaxation, meditation, intense fantasies…
When penetrative sex is a possible mission
You may consider some of the following positions depending on your physical limitations.
Doggy style on a (wheel) chair
This position is applicable to wheel-chair users who love to top, although technically they’ll be the bottom. The partner lowers himself onto the lap, with his back facing stomach of the sitting guy. He rests his upper body and his arms on a nearby bed or table and starts thrusting. If you’re doing it face-to-face, don’t forget to remove the armrests first, so that it’s easier for your partner to straddle you.
Spooning
That’s an energy-efficient, yet gratification-guarantee position for those who have obesity, back pain, or fragile joints. If the top has full mobility, he can wrap his leg over his less mobile partner’s thigh to provide better support for both of them while thrusting.
69
If the classical 69 is not possible, try to do it sidewise. It’s pretty much like the spooning position, only the partners lay facing each other’s opposite ends. Once assumed the position, you know what to do.
Oral
The ultimate evergreen! Even a person with a Steven Hawking kind of disability can benefit from a good BJ!
Sex workers and surrogates can also do the work
It’s awesome if you have a partner or partners to make love to, but if you are too shy to date, or you want just no-strings-attached sex you can always call… well not Saul, but a professional who can help you with that. Ever since the release of the movie The Sessions (2012), with Helen Hunt and John Hawkes starring, the right of disabled people to buy sex from a sex worker has been on the agenda. The advantage of booking a sex worker is that they will be non-judgmental of one’s medical condition and skillfully cater to the client’s needs. In the USA, selling and buying sex is (still) illegal, but sexual surrogacy can be an option in some states. What makes this type of surrogacy within the law, is that it has the status of therapeutic practice, and, unlike sex workers, people who provide the service are licensed sex therapists.
Besides people with physical limitations, others who can greatly benefit from sex surrogates are people struggling with body dysmorphia, erectile dysfunction, and with little or no sexual experience.
And lastly…
Sex toys and devices may also help improve the sexual health of a disabled gay man. Just go ahead and do not be afraid to improvise.
And remember - the biggest favor you can do yourself as a disabled gay person is to never feel any less of a person. Or any less of a gay, for that matter!
