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Article written by Maya Vukovska
You’ve never been one of those muscular, hairy, tattooed gay guys who go partying wildly on Fire Island. What’s more, you’ve been told on so many occasions you are “too gay in person” that eventually you’ve come to realize that being too effeminate is bad news even in gay circles. How many times have you come upon dating profiles with the angry warning “No femmes” and the even more discouraging slogan “masc4masc”? And you wonder: Since you’re not accepted well by your own people, how are you supposed to fit into an even more “hostile” environment, surrounded not only by femme-bashing Matt Bomers, but also by real Bruce Willises?
Actually, you will be surprised to find out how genuinely open-minded and approachable straight guys can be once they get to know you. For a long time, friendships between gay men and heterosexual men were an unusual occurrence. However, bromosexual friendships have always existed, and the sociologists claim that they are now on the rise.
To befriend a straight guy and form a working relationship with him is doable. Here is what you need to do if you want this to happen.
…which is, ‘Are you into this guy?’ You can’t form a working bromosexual relationship if you fancy the person. That’s actually the only rule there is. Despite the unspoken assumption that gay men cannot befriend straight guys because of the unavoidable one-way sexual interest, you can still prove there’s an exception to the rule. First, however, you need to assure yourself there’s no When Harry Met Sally situation happening between you and your straight friend. That’s crucial because no wholesome, platonic relationship can be built upon a lie you are feeding yourself.
Some gay porn videos are pretty explicit about the distribution of the roles in gay hierarchy. Most of the actors are hypermasculine men, dominant and aggressive. The twinks, on the other hand, are skinny, feminine, whiny, and submissive. If you keep asking yourself “Is this a bag/bracelet/eyeshadow that a straight man wouldn’t have?”, just stop! Playing John Wayne won’t win you macho friends. Accepting your femininity as a man is something only real men are capable of doing. Sadly enough, the myth that effeminate gay men can’t be real men exists mostly within the gay community itself. So, instead of behaving like a sassy sidekick, wear femininity proudly on your sleeve. The real real men will always appreciate the boldness!
As a rule, straight men are comfortable with their sexuality. But if you think it’s far easier for them to get laid than it’s for you, you’re mistaken. A gay man, especially one who likes “traditional” gay things, and has a bunch of female BFF’s, can be a priceless asset to any straight company. Don’t be shy to pass on a piece of advice, or two about women to your straight friend(s). Having a tried and trusted confidant (who is also NOT a competition!) to help with romantic pursuits is the main reason why straight and gay guys are likely to leave their same-sex comfort zone and form a bromosexual relationship.
We are not telling you to start acting straight as soon as you enter a regular bar or go see a monster trucks show with your friends. The thing is that some places have, let’s call it, a dress code. Just like you’re expected to take off your shoes upon entering certain praying temples, you’re expected to leave your leggings and multi-colored unicorn t-shirt at home when you go to places frequented by exclusively heterosexual men. You should instead choose something more culturally appropriate for a bros night-out. A pair of jeans, which are not of the super skinny type, would be a nice start.
Really, it’s annoying. Even the contestants in the RuPaul’s Drag Race Show do it less often than you!
Femininity and masculinity are not mutually exclusive behaviorist patterns. Yes, we did advise you previously to keep your fairy profile as low as possible when you hang out with your straight buddies, but it doesn’t mean you should try to totally blend in. (Besides, we doubt it’s possible). Don’t push yourself into drinking as many pints as your friends, or calling them “dog”, or, God forbid, telling gay-shaming jokes. Instead, challenge them to try a non-virgin Shirley Bassey, and make them dance to your favorite Lady Gaga song. Soon your friends will discover (if they haven’t already had!) that in your company they become less rigid about their manliness and sexuality. Allowing them to explore your world will make them open up and become more inclined to discuss details about their own daily problems and love life.Previous Next
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