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The prevalence of hookup culture in major urban cities has become a real double-edged sword. On the one hand, sex is readily available to pretty much everyone whenever he wants it. Take a shirtless selfie, spend a few minutes swiping and exchanging provocative emojis, and you can be getting a blowjob from a closeted businessman man in a matter of minutes. Isn’t 2019 amazing?

The downside, of course, is that the more wholesome, nurturing parts of love can be sometimes feel tantalizingly far away. Don’t get me wrong, hookups can sometimes be just what the doctor ordered, but introducing even a little bit intimacy and non-fuckboy sincerity can really go a long way in alleviating the postmodern blues. And most essential first step to take, is just having your hookup spend the night after you’ve done the dirty.

I’m not suggesting that every guy you fuck should or even could be placed on the gradual track toward boyfriend status--but come on, boys, if you like each other enough to 69 with cock rings on until the wee hours of the morning, then you should like each other enough to doze off cuddling until the sun comes up.

I know what you’re probably thinking: “No way, Jose. If I ask my hookup to spend the night, then he’ll get the wrong signal, become super clingy, and I’ll never be able to shake him. It’s all or nothing with these gays… we’re either total anonymous strangers or we’re committed for life.” There may be some hint of truth within this pessimistic worldview.... but this is why communication beforehand is essential. Remember that the power lies in the hands of whomever’s apartment you're in. Make him feel comfortable and let him know it’s totally okay to spend the night. Put on some Netflix, make him a quesadilla. Let the oxytocin flow. Eroticism doesn’t have to end with orgasm. Make it clear that this is still only a hookup, but treat him with some human dignity and don’t kick him as soon as you’re done with his ass for the night.

On the flip side, if you’re visiting another guy’s apartment with the understanding that this hookup will continue overnight into the morning, don’t be afraid to be proactive. Show up at his door with donuts and orange juice. Offer to cook him eggs in the morning. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

A lot of us like to pretend that all we want is sex, but sometimes cuddling and spooning all night and sharing breakfast in the morning can be just as rewarding. And even if sex is all you want, remember that morning sex is definitely still an option too. ;)

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