How to Stop Being a “Nice Guy”

Have you seen them? They lurk among us... Even the gay community isn't safe from these diabolical perpetrators. That's right, I'm talking about the no good, very bad, terrible "nice guys!" Eeek! Just saying the name sends a shiver down my spine. But wait a minute, you might be thinking, isn't being "nice" a good thing? Allow me to explain, sweetie... So-called "nice guys" aren't actually "nice." The group is question exists across the entire spectra of gender and sexuality and can be defined like this: people who do seemingly kind and considerate things for a another, and then hold a rigid expectation that they get sexual favors in return. And often when they don't their rocks off, the facade of friendliness quickly drops and in its place we get rage and entitlement. If you have a nice guy in your life, it probably goes like this: he always wants to hang out, always is giving you compliments, maybe he gives you that extra concert ticket he bought. Even if there's no chemistry and you've shown no signs of reciprocating the affection, he will still text you demanding a blowjob. Like, sorry bud, get in line! What nice guys don't realize is that sex is not merely a transnational thing. There needs to be chemistry. No amount of gifts or unrequited affection will make me attracted to you if I'm not already attracted to you. Nor will I pity fuck you if you beg enough. Get over yourselves! Nice guys, what you're really looking for is sugar babies... So if you're a nice guy, you owe it yourself to let go of your false notion of transnational sexuality. And if there's a nice guy in your life, be stern and forceful to show that you're not interested. But just be ready for him to blow up in your face...