How to Tell Your New Partner You Have an STD (and NOT Get Ditched)

Article written by Maya Vukovska

When you realize this guy is not just another one-night stand, sooner or later unprotected sex is going to be placed on the table. And that’s, of course, awеsome, but there’s one thing that bothers you. You have herpes (and it’s not on your lower lip). Or it’s gonorrhea. Chlamydia, maybe? Sexually transmitted infections are a huge cock-blocker. And they’re not something you can talk about with the same nonchalance you discuss at which restaurant you’d be eating truffle pasta on a Saturday evening. So, the question is: How to drop the truth bomb about your STD status without grossing him away?

Don’t feel ashamed or guilty

First of all, you should convince yourself that having an infection of that kind is not something you should be ashamed of. Could happen to anyone, really - еven your mom could have had it! Of course, it feels cringy to start such a convo, but it’s not as embarrassing as confessing you once had a crush on the Sprouse twins! Also, there is no need to switch into apologetic mode - yes, you’ve made some bad decisions in your previous relationships, but it doesn’t mean you should spend the rest of your life like an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand.

Don’t do it when high or drunk

Saying things out loud after a few drinks is easier and less stressful, but I don’t recommend it in this particular case. Staying sober (and fully clothed) during this conversation is very important. You need to have all your wits, so that you can realistically assess the situation and keep your emotions under control.

Opt for texting

If you still hesitate to start the in-person safe-sex chat, maybe you should consider texting instead. After all, face-to-face conversations are overrated, especially nowadays, with all that technology that often spares us the embarrassment of bringing up a certain subject. Besides, disclosing an STD via a text message would give your partner time to pause and think before replying.

What reactions to expect

Actually, you can never guess how your partner would react to such news. The reaction may range from making a face to “No way! I’ve got it too, man!” The worst case scenario is that he instantly assumes you’re “dirty”, or questions your morals. If that happens, you’d better reconsider your own feelings towards him. The most common-sense question he can ask is about you current status and what treatment plan you follow. We live in the 21st century, when people are supposed to have already shredded their thick prejudiced skin. Yet, you still have to be prepared that your new partner won’t accept the news. If he chooses to end the relationship just because of your diagnosis, and not because of some personality “defect” he finds annoying, that means that he’s a person who lets his fear beats the calling of his heart. And that’s on him, really.

Let’s talk about sex, babe

You do understand that for someone with STD sex has to change if they don’t want to harm innocent people. Calm down, sex is still pretty much on the daily agenda, you just have to make some adjustments. Condoms and dental dams are an excellent solution to the problem, but always keep in mind that some infections, like our old friend herpes here, for example, can be spread from skin-to-skin contact, and even using a rubber won’t protect your partner from catching the virus. That’s why, it’s crucial that you make him get tested every couple of months. Just to be on the safe side…

No matter if you get ditched after speaking openly about your STD, or live happily ever after despite your diagnosis, just remember this: Warning your potential sexual partner is fair game. Don’t be ashamed of getting emotional about sharing your truth, but don’t be ashamed of the truth, ether. And keep repeating to yourself, “If you don’t like me, you don’t deserve me.”