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Article written by J Matthew Cobb

Rejection is a bitch. It hurts sometimes to give it. And of course, it hurts when getting it. But in this game that we call life, it happens.

But you don’t have to be a total bitch about it. There are a few good ways of mastering the art of rejection. For starters, there is a smart and best way to say no. Actually, there are several ways to do it. We’re going to uncover a few of them, especially as they pertain to the world of gay dating, which now heavily involves those beloved dating apps.

Let’s start with Rule #1. And probably the easiest of the bunch.

If you’re totally not interested, block them.

This one, the most popular hardcore play of rejection, is easy to pull off. In most situations, after previewing the nearby grids, you can do it before they even think about messaging you. Go on and get it out the way. That way nobodies’ feelings are hurt. And even if they have messaged you and you read their profile with some level of “ain’t no way” emotion, the block feature is pretty much a blessing in disguise.

But hold on, wait a minute. There’s a good chunk in your non-match bracket who are way smart in their maneuvers on the apps. Yeah, they’ve been around the block a few times. And if that’s the case, you gotta play smarter. There’s a very good chance that they will spot you somewhere else. Just because you blocked them in one place doesn’t mean they can’t find you in another. I’ve run across my share of online cyber-stalkers. And trust me, they are the ones that will put up a fight, the ones that will spot you playing around on other apps, even on Facebook. They think you’re playing hard to get. Nah boo, it’s hard to never get. For them an instant block doesn’t mean “game over,” it just means pause. But hopefully they’ll get the message. If not, well, go the next level, find them on the others and repeat. Block them elsewhere, especially if you know you’re dealing with a potential headache.

Oh, and if you’re in a small town, that option might not work out in the end. What will probably happen is they will talk about you and you’ll quickly be dubbed difficult, impersonal, arrogant and “that bitch.” So if you’re ready for Round 2 with ‘em, here’s a few ways to navigate the waters.

If they hit you up with a barrage of pics and they say “Interested?,” “Horny?” or “Looking?” and you are not feeling it…
The best and easiest reply is “Sorry, not interested.”
There’s a strong possibility they won’t take the news well and will block yo ass. Ehh, so be it.

If they say “hi,” “hello,” “how are you?” or all three a bunch of times and you are not feeling it…
Say “hello” back. Wait for their response, and if it’s sexual and you’re totally not into them, just say “Sorry; not interested.”

BUT if it’s not sexual and they just want to converse and are genuinely seeking for friendship, hit your reset button and pace yourself. You never know if you might be talking to a potential friend. Hey, I know in the gay world we have been brainwashed to be a little too image-driven and sadly we’ve become desensitized to other folks’ feelings and emotions, but kindness will take you a long way. Just because they aren’t your physical type doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get to know them; they may have things in common with you, alike friends, connections. Or better yet, they might end up being your type. Hey, we evolve. It could happen. By the way, it’s okay to have a type and not lower the bar, but don’t let your high expectations turn you into a rude biatch.

Oh, and DON’T ever say “you’re not my type,” because nine times out of ten they are gonna ask what’s your type or go into a hissy fit typical of rejection scorn. Despite your eagerness of “keepin’ it real” with them, that type of response is going to be too tough for them to digest. And nothing good comes from those long chats, except a wounded ego. Unless you got time that day and you just wanna be labeled “difficult” for the fun of it, avoid this one.

If you’re on a first date or meeting up with them and you’re not feeling the vibe…

Okay. Breathe in. Now breathe out. And relax.
And don’t forget the 5 G’s: Good god, get a grip girl.
This is where you must depend on your basic instincts for survival. What you do from this moment on can either make you or break you, so listen up.

…let them down easy.

Sure, handling rejection in person can be a difficult task, but it’s best to do it with a cup of kindness. If you’re interested in just being friends, state that. Actually, go ahead and say it first before going into the murky bits. If you just want to totally part ways, realizing they aren’t meant for you, man up and say so. Just make sure your delivery is sincere, earnest and done with respect towards their feelings. And watch your words. Yeah, it takes a lot of energy to make it all happen and without a glitch, but the payoff will be grand.

Afterwards, don’t have a guilt trip.

By the way, don’t beat yourself up with buyer’s remorse. Sometimes what we see on the apps doesn’t translate well in person. It happens. Thanks to Insta filters, Facetune and other forms of clever manipulation, people are constantly trying to show you their best parts online, yet they fall flat in person. But if it feels like a catfish caper or you’re just not that into them physically or emotionally, call it off. Look, you can turn them down at almost any point, if there’s not much invested. But the longer you wait it out, the harder the episode of rejection is going to be.

And remember, there should be no obligation for anybody to continue a date or a hookup they feel uncomfortable with. If it’s not working for you (or for them), don’t force it to work. And if you’re just that desperate for booty or dick and you know damn well there’s no chemistry, you – my friend – may need a serious reality check.

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