Dear Agatha,

Sex with attractive men is among my absolute favorite activities. And don’t get me wrong, I very much am attracted to men, including their penises. Unfortunately though, I can’t convince myself that I enjoy sucking dick, at all. I want my men to be happy, but I just gotta draw line at oral. There's nothing about giving a blowjob that I enjoy. My distaste for the act is multi-factorial--strong gag reflex, distaste for semen, repulsed by cock stench, you name it. Every blowjob seems to end with me nervously picking jizz-soaked pubic hair out of my teeth. I get that our tastes change as we age, but I don’t see myself ever happily giving a blowjob. Am I just a selfish lover? Please advise.




Dearest Gagging,

Forget everything you’ve learned about sex from movies and porno. At the end of the day, hon, sex is just two people discovering the most perfect way to express their particular infatuation with each other. There’s nothing in the rulebook that says you’re obligated to stick his penis in your mouth if you don’t want to. Sex should be fun. Someday you might find a guy with a tiny cock who shaves, washes his cock right, and eats pineapple--and that pristine lollipop penis will ignite a passion for blowjobs hitherto unknown to you. But until that day, if some John wants a blowjob, just haggle him down to a handy.


Agatha Spilltea