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Article written by Maya Vukovska
He wants to move in together, but you don’t? This is how you get out of this situation
You two have been dating for quite some time, and it’s been fun. But you start noticing alarming signs showing that your boyfriend is turning into some frenzied weaver bird building a nest. In YOUR apartment! Suddenly, he starts rearranging the furniture, and fixing things, and using your spare set of keys far more often than you’d like him to. What’s more, his emergency stash of clean t-shirts and underwear has taken half of your closet. You need to face the bitter truth: he is thinking of moving in together with you. Of course, living together with your BF full time will have its perks, but all in all, you fear that this will only ruin your relationship and turn you into a boring domesticated couple. Plus, you are not sure you’re ready to give up your autonomy. So, how to wriggle out of the situation without hurting his feelings, and God forbid, breaking up with him?
First, he needs to realize that if he moved in with you, he would have to also adopt your friends. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if we could stand at least one of them. Tell him he wouldn’t be in a position to forbid you from having Jessica, Pete, or Marcus over for the next episode of Big Little Lies.
And if you’re wondering who Lulu is, that’s your metaphorical cat. Do you have to remind him that he’s allergic to pets, and that no, you’re getting rid of Lulu under no circumstances!
It can be your sister, or a common friend, or even a celebrity you both like. There must be at least one couple you can think of whose relationship went into pieces because they had decided to move in together. “Do we really want to end up like André and José?” is a rhetorical question that perfectly serves your argumentation. Yet, he may insist that “It won’t happen to us”. In that case, you must be prepared with a counter-argument. “Honey, now you sound like the folks who hate kids, but keep fooling themselves that when they have children of their own, they won’t be anything like other people’s.”
Let him know in advance what he’d have to put up with every day of his life if you moved in together.
Even if you don’t have irritating habits, you need to make them up. And stop him before he says he finds your nail-clipping adorable!
Only NOT at your place! It’s essential that you conduct the cohabitation trials outside your comfort zone. Plan a long vacation, and see how the living together goes. Think Vietnam, Sweden, Riga, but not Marbella, the Island of Mykonos, or Rimini. Being together 24/7 in an unfamiliar environment, sharing just a tiny room may be an eye-opener for both of you.
If your BF knows you and your past well, he may not buy this one. But in case you’re really pushed to the wall, you should try using it. Explain to him that you come from a family that won’t approve of you living with your partner without a marriage. The fact that you’re gay makes the whole religious-slash-ethnic-slash-social background excuse kinda moot. And yet, your BF won’t be able to fight an argument of such complexity, because A) he would appear as an intolerant prick, and B) there’s a tiny chance that his Mom married a virgin.
“Let’s keep the mystery in our relationship”
That’s a really solid argument because seeing your beau wearing his mouthguard night after night after night can be a huge turnoff. This one goes well with the “Let’s keep it interesting” theme. If you don’t live together, you’ll be more inclined to spice up your random rendez-vous with adorable ticky-tacky gestures like improvised picnics during his lunch break, having sex by the bbq grill, and so on.
But all jokes aside, what you really need to do if your boyfriend’s pushing you into living together is to openly state your reasons why you’re not on the same page with him on this. There’re a lot of things you both should consider before making this step, like sorting out the financial side, or resolving your personal issues before committing to each other. The important takeaway here is to be honest with your guy and yourself about all the why’s of it all.Previous Next
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