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**Please always consult a physician before starting any new exercise routine

It’s Halloween month! And you know what love about Halloween? It’s that one time of year that you get to see what everyone’s been thinking, suppressing, or embracing for the last (roughly) 365 days. It’s particularly interesting when most of you who have been covered up all year, decide to lay it bare. (Come to Papa.) For some of the rest of you, it’s a typical day in the life. No judgement. But no matter what side of the pumpkin patch or apple orchard you’re on, you may look down and realize that your summer bod is hidden under a layer of pumpkin spice lattes and apple pies — Jesus, be a diet pill next month for Thanksgiving — and maybe you’re wanting a little help trimming that layer down just in time for you to slink into that jockstrap, fireman’s outfit, or sexy mime. An excellent and effective and FREE way to do that is by adding a little H.I.I.T. to your gym regime.

First, what the hell is a H.I.I.T. workout? Only the fastest and best way to burn through calories. For those of you who’re rolling your eyes and thinking, “Ugh. Cardio.” Sh. It’s more than cardio. H.I.I.T. (or High-Intensity Interval Training) is a full-out, balls-to-the-wall technique for training that involves some pretty quick and -- as suggested in the title -- intense blasts of exercises. These exercises are accompanied by short (and sometimes mobile) rest periods. The purpose? To get the heart rate up and burn more fat in less time. As a matter of fact, you burn calories during and for 24-48 hours after you finish your sessions. In addition, you’re toning up your body. The important thing to remember is that each of these exercises should be performed at 7 out of 10 minimum exertion. This ain’t for lazy bums.

So, now that we’re all on the same page, here are 6 H.I.I.T. Workout Routines designed to help you burn it and turn it to get you looking and feel your greatest. Weight warriors, keep reading. We’ve got some stuff in there for you, too.

I Don’t Wanna Weight.

This set is for those of us that don’t mind changing up by stepping away from the weights or for the hard-working cats who can’t get to the gym, but still wanna get it in. After you complete a round, rest for one minute. After that minute of rest, repeat. You’ll go through this a total of 6 times.

My-o Ply-o .

Do the following exercises 45 seconds on, 15 seconds rest:

Cab-Driver Jumping Jacks.

It’s like a regular jumping jack except you position your arms like you’re holding a steering wheel and your arms only go parallel to the floor.


Twisted Mountain Climbers.

Take the traditional mountain climbers and twist your knees in towards the opposite side of the body. For an extra push, avoid stopping and “hot potato” it and keep the feet moving.

High Knee Butt Kicks.

Okay, so I can’t pull the wool over your eyes. It’ll itch. This is actually two exercises that you’ll break up into fours. (Four high knees and four butt kicks.) Again, hot potato it and make it as intense as you can.

Star Jumping Jacks.

You’re a star so why not do some jumping jacks like one? In this variation from the regular jumping jack, you start in a legs together and bent position almost like a ball. Spring up and reach your hands and legs up and out and return to the starting position.

Push ups.

Just what it sounds like. If you wanna take these to the next level — and I know you do...your heart’s racing just thinking about it — get a bench and start in a high plank position on that bench. (Your body should be like a board.) Bring your hands to a high plank position on the floor. Then back to the bench. Then back to the floor. Be sure to alternate which hand starts for an even workout.


Tuck Jumps.

This has nothing to do with duct tape and a penis. Jump up in the air and bring your knees to your chest.

Shred on the Tread.

There’s a strange group of people out there who absolutely love the treadmill. This set of intervals is for them...wherever they might be. If you wanna amp it up, grab some 5lb weights and hold ‘em.

  • 3.5MPH for 4 minutes.
  • 5MPH for 2 minutes.
  • 4.5MPH for 1 minute.
  • 6.5 MPH for 2 minutes.
  • 4.5MPH at 2% incline for 2 minutes.
  • 6.5MPH at 2% incline for 1 minute.
  • 5.5MPH at 2% incline for 2 minutes.
  • 7MPH at 1% incline for 1 minute.
  • 6MPH at 3% incline for 2 minutes.
  • 5MPH at 3% incline for 3 minutes.
  • 7MPH at 3% incline for 1 minute.
  • 8MPH at 3% incline for 1 minute.
  • 6MPH at 4% incline for 2 minutes.
  • 7MPH at 4% incline for 2 minutes.
  • 8MPH at 4% incline for 2 minutes.
  • 9MPH at 3% incline for 1.5 minutes.
  • 6MPH at 2% incline for 2 minutes.
  • 10MPH at 2% incline for 45 seconds.
  • 6MPH at 2% incline for 15 seconds.
  • 9MPH at 2% incline for 1 minute.
  • 5MPH at 2% incline for 15 seconds.
  • 7MPH at 2% incline for 45 seconds.
  • 5MPH at 2% incline for 15 seconds.
  • 6MPH at 2% incline for 30 seconds.
  • 3.5MPH at 0% incline for 3 minutes.
Be My Bitch Burpees.

I hate ‘em. You hate ‘em. We all hate ‘em. Like brussel sprouts. But at least with brussel sprouts you get to add bacon. But the fact is, burpees are good for you, and if you learn to love ‘em, they’ll serve you and they’ll serve you well. These monsters not only sound like something you do after you eat, they’re total body which means you’re really targeting everything. All of these burpees are to be done 20 at a time (25 if you’re a badass) followed by 1 minute of rest at the end of each round. 30 seconds rest in between each set of burpees. Complete a total of 4 rounds.

Basic Burpee.

We all know these. Be sure to include that push up at the end if you can. (You wanna show the world who’s boss and burn a few more? Add a tuck jump.)

Leg Switch Burpee.

Same as a basic burpee only you jump from one leg, back onto that same leg and that same leg shoots out as you stay in a high plank. Switch legs. And you know what I’m about to say, right? Left leg, right leg is one set. (Insert evil grin here.)

Jump Over it Burpee.

Get a box or something with some height over which to jump. Start on one side of this box or stand or chair and tuck jump over that box or stand or chair. Once you make it to the other side, reward yourself with, yes! A burpee!

Jump On it Burpee.

Remember that box from the burpee before? Put it in front of you and jump up on it and then jump off of it and reward yourself with a burpee.

Decline Burpee.

Don’t let go of that box just yet. Put it behind you. Do a reverse thrust with your legs and have them on the box. So you should be in a push up position with your legs in the box. While you’re there, do a push up. Bring your legs back onto the floor. Repeat.

Dead Roach Burpee.

This one’s fun and requires agility and balance. From a squat position, roll backwards and lift your heels to the ceiling. Return to your primitive squat but don’t stop. Jump up and do your burpee. When you bring your legs back in, you should be back to that starting squat. Repeat.

Helicopter Burpee.

Do a regular burpee. Spin 180 degrees and do another burpee. 2 equals one set.

Best if you don’t do those last two after a night of drinking. For those of you who just absolutely wanna touch weights and just can’t stay a”weigh” from them, these next two are for you.

Weight A Minute.

For this set of exercises, grab weights (dumbbells) that are appropriate for a push but comfortable enough to avoid injury. For each of these exercises, we work for 20 seconds and we rest for 10. Once you go through a round, rest a minute, and start again. 30 seconds rest in between each exercise. You’ll do a total of 6 rounds.

Plank Rows.

Get yourself a in a push up position with your hands on your dumbbells, palms facing each other. Perform a push up, keeping your arms close to your body as you come up, pull the dumbbell up to your chest. Alternate left and right.

Jumping Jacks.

Regular jumping jacks with 5-10lb weights.

Dumbbell Squat Punches.

Just what it sounds like. Do a regular squat and at the top, two punches straight out in front of you. Yeah. Punch it.

Squat and Curtsy.

Pretty self explanatory. Tap into your inner lord. When you squat your dumbbells are on your shoulders, palms facing in. When you curtsy, you bring them down to your side.

Single-Leg Split Jumps Right.

With your dumbbells to your side and the right foot forward, leap into the air. Repeat over and over and over and over again.

Single-Leg Split Jumps Left.

Same as above, just with the left foot forward.

Russian Twists.

For this one, you’ll only need one dumbell. Hold each end of the dumbbell and twist. For an added burn, place the weight on one side, tap the floor on the opposite side, go back and pick up the weight and bring it to the other side. Repeat. Here’s a song that’ll help. On each lyric, there’s a twist. Drop, twist, pick, drop, twist, pick, drop, twist, pick...

Power Up Travel Burpees.

When you do your initial jump, bring your dumbbells overhead, do your pushup, and add two rows.

Don’t Hate the Weights.

Another set of exercises with weights, only these are measured by reps (vs time). You’ll need a barbell for one of the exercises. 30 seconds of rest between each exercise. A minute rest at the end of the round.

Goblet Squat. 25 of these.
Barbell Back Squat. 25 of these.
Dumbbell Jump Split Squat (Alternating). 25 each leg.
Skater Jumps. 25 each leg.
Calf Raises. 25.
Overhead Press (Palms facing in.) 25.

And for my versatile peeps, here’s a set of exercises that combines both body weight and weights.



Do each of these exercises for 30 seconds on 10 seconds off. At the bottom of each round, one minutes of rest.

Jump Rope.

(To be quite honest, you can add this on to any of the routines above.) If you don’t have a jump rope grab any 2-5lb weights and pretend. Your biceps, if they had lips, will kiss you after. And since they don’t have lips, you should kiss them.

Mountain Climbers. Instead of stopping, keep the feet moving.

Jumping Jacks with Weights.


Dealer’s choice! Yaaaaaay! What? Don’t look at me like that.

Bench leg lifts...with 5-10lb weights gripped with the feet.
Squat Punch.

With your legs in a wide stance, bend your knees. Punch down towards the ground as fast as you can bringing the weights back to the chest throughout the workout.
Butt kicks. Get your heels to your ass. It’ll feel good. Promise.

So there ya have it. Dig in and start blasting that fat like a sexy Yoda (Pew! Pew! Pew!)...or whatever the hell it is you plan on going as this year. This goes without saying, but a gym routine is extra effective when you couple it with proper eating. (Nobody in the world is gonna stop saying that. Ever. It’s a thing.) No matter what you decide to wear, though, the sexiest thing you can put on is your confidence. At the end of the day that’s what’s most important.

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