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Article written by Maya Vukovska

“I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together.”
Well, and I’m not a psychiatrist, but I can say you’re an imbecile.

“Do you have an extra heart, because mine was just stolen?”
Call the paramedics.

“Are you from Tennessee because you’re the only ten I see!”
How sad that you can count only up to ten!

You stare at the guy standing by the bar, trying to hit on you with what he thinks is his best line, and you feel pity for him. A trite pickup line can totally ruin the first impression of a person, who otherwise seems totally doable. If you’ve ever been rejected yourself for using a cliched or moronic pickup line, then you already know how important it is to evaluate the setting and the “target” before you make a move. If you don’t want to be taken for a goofy jerk, here are some suggestions that might help you upgrade your flirting vocabulary.

The old school way

Your friends may have told you a million times you’re funny, but their opinion doesn’t really count when it comes to approaching a stranger. So, instead of trying to be clever, keep it simple, and use time-tested phrases that (almost) never sound wrong.

You look familiar. Have we met? It’s crystal clear to the object of your interest that you’ve never seen his face before, but since the line is neither arrogant, nor indecent, there’s no reason for him to give you a rude “No”.

Hi, I’ve been watching you and find you very attractive. Can I buy you another drink?
This phrase will clearly work on those who dislike foreplay. Straightforwardness can do miracles. Especially if the guy you’re trying to enchant is thirsty.

I’ve been wondering if you’re single, and if yes, then it's my lucky day. Yes, this one is quite lame, but again, remember that honesty is your strongest weapon. Besides, you don’t want to waste time and let alone get into trouble just because you asked this important question too late.

Talking Dirty

Not everybody likes to be talked to as they were sluts. That’s why it’s essential to try to read the person first before approach him. In case you come upon a guy who enjoys dirty talking, here are some pickup lines that may lead to a successful hookup.

Nice butt! What time does it open? I have to admit, that’s my fave! Sure, it’s vulgar, but It’s honest and it can’t get any gayer.

Last time I saw such a big bulge in man’s pants was when I looked at myself in the mirror. But you definitely beat me. It’s a hitting-the-jackpot phrase because it’s a) super flattering, and b) brings on your own assets. This one is admittedly high-risk, high-reward 

And here’s another one that fits into the the complementing zone: Nice pants! Can I test the zipper? It’s playful, and says pretty much about your personality: You’re a guy who does not take himself seriously. The object is left with no other option but to give you a break and just… unzip those pants you admire so much :)

Being a Weirdo Can Be a Plus

Some people are attracted to unconventional human beings. They are so tired of the cliché that they’ll dig almost everything absurd and grotesque coming out of your mouth. If that’s the case try these ones:
I know you won’t let me buy you a drink/dinner, but can I at least fix your Mac for you?
Bad for you if you are not good at fixing …things.

You’re so fucking sexy! You look just like my dad! You need to be really careful with this one, and make sure in advance the guy you’re hitting on is at least double your age. Well, he, on his behalf, may think you have daddy issues, but who hasn’t!

Hi. I have big feet. So that he can figure out what else about your anatomy is big.

Mr. Nice Guy

Everybody likes a nice, good-boy-next-door attitude.
Do you have a name or can I call you mine? This one is excellent because it’s an Oscar-winner trending material. We keep our fingers crossed the line will hook you up with a guy as hot as Armie Hammer in his 1980s shorts.

Roses are red, violets are blue, and I didn’t know what perfect was until I met you. It’s corny, that’s true, but only a heartless SOB would say “Piss off” to a poet!

I just had to come to talk to you. Sweetness is my weakness. Be extra cautious when you try this one with a bear type. There’s a reason why they are called “Bears” and not “Teddy Bears”.

And one final tip. Meeting someone for the first time and introducing yourself to them is pretty much like doing a job interview. First impressions are important, and within the first two minutes people already know whether they like you or not. So, there’s not much point into trying to be someone you’re not. Be casual, be cool, be honest, be yourself.

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