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Article written by Kendra Beltran
Remember when we thought we would be back to even semi-normal by the summer? Well, we’re heading into fall and COVID-19 is still as much a nightmare as a brunch spot not having bottomless mimosas. Really, what is even the point of that then? I can have pancakes at home and save $13.
Anyways, with us now officially in spooky season, many of us are saddened that our huge Halloween festivities will have to be scaled down for safety but that does not mean dressing up is out of the picture! We can still get our costume on but here is the thing, there are a handful of so-called sexy costumes that we are going to need you to skip this year. They may seem timely and funny, but we are here to tell you - they ain’t.
We are going to start with the elephant in the room, Donald Trump. During his days on ‘The Apprentice,’ we would have laughed at your sexy version of the overgrown Oompa Loompa, but now that he’s become President and almost started a second Civil War...yeah, it is best to walk away from the orange makeup and look elsewhere for a costume idea. Plus, is there really any way to make THAT sexy?
Speaking of Trump, can we all agree that going as someone who is either for or against something is not going to work as a Halloween costume? Even if you sex up your ensemble and your sign dishes major innuendos, it is still in poor taste given how much violence and death we have seen come of those mass assemblies.
Let’s take a step away from politics for a second and go back to the days of 2020 where we all were fascinated and blown away by the ‘Tiger King’ documentary. Simpler times, simpler times. Here is the thing though, while it made for great TV, all those people were horrible. Joe hired someone to MURDER his rival, and we are still not sure whether or not Carole Baskin killed her first husband. While they are all monsters in their own right, you’re better off going as a vampire.
We’re back to the scene-stealer of 2020, and that is COVID-19 aka Coronavirus aka Da ‘Rona. Whatever you want to call it, do not go as a disease that has taken the lives of over 200,000 Americans alone. You think you are being risque, but you are just being a complete dick.
Okay, we admit that this look - the bird mask, the cloak - is aesthetically amazing for Halloween, it is just not the time or place right now. Maybe next year if we have a vaccine, do this. This year though, NO.
If you are like, wait...what? This is not something we thought of. Oh no, this already exists, and we are urging people not to rock this. It is weird. If you’re looking to go as a bottle of something, go as wine, vodka, milk - anything but damn hand sanitizer.
The one thing most (sane) people wore this year was a face mask. It was the least one could do to try and flatten the curve. At first, they were basic, but now they have become a fashionable accessory, which - yay! Here is the thing though, you do not have to sexualize the mask by rocking your “birthday” suit and a mask. You also do not have to reconfigure a mask to only cover your junk. Just leave the masks for your face.Previous Next
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