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Article by Maya Vukovska

When it comes to dating, it’s a jungle out there. Trying to get laid is hard enough as it is, but when you add the fact you’re the total opposite of extrovert, finding someone to have sex with (and, hopefully, cuddle a little after that) becomes your personal hell.

Let’s be honest here. Although some people find shyness sexy, to others it is not an appealing feature at all. When you are shy it’s hard to show that you are actually brainy, and witty, and generous. How can the hottest guy in the gym ever know you have a crush on him? In fact, how can anyone know! If you are tired of succumbing to your shyness and the social-phobic habits that come along with it, try these 7 tips for introverted guys, and you might finally get lucky.

Figure out whether you are shy or just reserved

There is a difference between turning away when someone looks at you and blushing, and not having the need of making yourself the center of attention, but still not turning down social contact. The former is a high-school level thing, and the latter is a form of reservedness. If you’re more like the second type, the only thing you need to do is make some effort to open up a little and consider letting other people get closer to you. They won’t bite. Or at least, not in a bad way :)

Turn the defect into an effect

Although self-esteem is always sexy, shyness too can be a great turn-on for some guys. If your shyness is because you carry a huge burden of shame on your shoulders, then you need to adress that with yourself before you start dating. But if you are happy with yourself, and shyness is just one of the traits defining your bubbly personality, then the guys will be inclined to like it. They won’t interpret your turning red and looking away as lack of interest or enthusiasm, but quite the opposite.

Gradually acquire new little habits

It’s a zen thing. If you train your brain to perform little tricks, it will eventually become your trusted wingman. Start with simple exercises, like spellbinding yourself: “Next time I see a cute guy checking me out, I won’t look away… or I die.” The irrational fear that you might actually die for not returning the stare can work miracles on your psyche. Once you “break” the old habit, mouth a subtle “Hi”, and smile. Yes, it feels new, and it IS new for you, but new things, no matter how awkward they may seem at first, do get better with practice.

Use body language

OK, you may struggle using human language with strangers, especially with those you are sexually attracted to, but there’s no obstacles whatsoever to not using body language instead. A number of studies revealed that when you stand in a Wonder Woman kind of pose, it triggers the release of hormones responsible for self-confidence. So, next time when you’re at a party, and decide to withdraw in the corner, with your hands in your pockets, and your shoulders slouched, remember that this type of behavior releases stress-related hormones. And people can smell stress on you. So you’d better stand up straight, take your hands out of your pockets, mingle, and have fun.

Take baby steps when on a first date

Since you feel uncomfortable in the company of strangers, especially if they are cute, for a longer period of time, it’s important that you opt for short date activities. If your Grindr date proposes a 15-mile hike on a Sunday, say “no”. Knowing that a date is going to last for more than two hours, with no escape plan at hand, can be really stressful for a shy person like yourself. Plan carefully your first dates - have a set time at a place you feel comfortable at. If things don’t go in the direction you imagined, you can always run. But if things turn out just right, the next step can definitely be a 15-mile hike.

Try walking in your date’s shoes

You may be thinking you’re going to die, but how about this: You date might be feeling the same way. First dates are a bitch, for both sides. Self-doubt creeps in no matter whether you’re shy as a five-grader, or confident as an AFL player. He’ll be nervous, too, that’s for sure, so no need for you to hide behind your shyness, and put all the blame for the awkwardness on it. Instead of small talking about the food and the weather, reach across the table and just f*cking take his hand. And wait for the outcome. Your bold move will make him reconsider his first impression of you, and wonder if “versatile” on your profile means he’ll get to be top or bottom later. After the dessert, of course.

And if nothing else works, keep in mind that…

Ru Paul will always be your Prince of Peace

If your tongue fails you, and your wit fails you, and your body language fails you, too, remember that you can always rely on RuPaul’s Drag Race to be your safe zone. I mean, (nearly) every gay guy has an opinion of the show, and they will be eager to share which queen they love and hate.

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