Article written by Rahmel Reid

Society has come a long way since the days of heavy judgement surrounding sex and the encouragement of prudish behavior. Gone are the days of sex-shaming, we’ve moved towards healthy conversations not only surrounding sex — but even embracing slutty behavior. So with that said, why does the idea of sex on the first date still get a bad rep? Or make people nervous? Sure, there isn’t a “one answer fits all” conversation to be had here — but I do feel like whether you choose to share more than just appetizers on the first date, there should be no shame behind your choice. But most importantly there should be no judgment! So we’re taking a look at the Pros and Cons of fucking on the first date.

PROS

HOW DOES IT HANG

I don’t think there is anything worse than investing your time and energy into getting to know someone, then finally the moment arrives… it’s time to have sex with them, only to find out there’s no length or girth associated with their dick! When I said I wanted a shrimp cocktail as a starter, I wasn’t referring to your dick! And no, I’m not size-shaming! But I think it’s pretty important to know sooner rather than later, whether your dates’ dick size is suitable for you. I mean I hate to sound shallow but I’m certainly not looking for any type of shallow penetration. I want some depth! How far can it go? Will it make me hit a Mariah Carey note when it’s balls deep in me? I think you get the point. Seeing ya’ man naked on the first date can save both of you a lot of time.

THE NEW NIGHT CAP

A final drink to end your social night was the old definition of a night cap. It was the perfect way to seal your night out. But in this sex-positive day and age of dating, we need to update it a bit and add sex to the meaning. The food was great, conversation was flowing effortlessly, you’re both attracted to each other. And he’s kind to waiter! If that doesn’t make you want to fuck someone than I don’t know what will. And I say, give in to those urges! Sex after a fabulous date (in my opinion) is the perfect night cap. This isn’t a Rom-Com, fuck that goodbye kiss. Go with back to his apartment and tear that ass up. Continue to build that fiery chemistry. And after you buss your nut — and you still feel butterflies when you look at him, make plans for the second date immediately.

CONFIDENCE & SELF-ESTEEM

Who doesn’t want to feel like they’re being desired and lusted for? Or if you shoot your shot (in a respectful, non-creepy way) and your date gives you the ‘well what took you so long to ask’ look, you can’t tell me that doesn’t give you a rush of adrenaline. And a rush of blood to your penis. Either scenario can certainly impact your confidence and self-esteem in a positive way. And even on paper, sex and bussin’ a nut is just healthy for you. Better sleep, it combats depression and anxiety but it also releases endorphins and oxytocin into your system — you know, the “feel good” hormones. So whether the date is flourishing and you guys want to get to know each other, or the two of you know that a second date won’t happen but the night will lead to a (respectful) one night stand, it’s going to do more good than bad to just fuck. As long as you both can be adult about it.

CONS

JUDGMENT

Let’s be honest, some people are just going to judge you. Yes, society as whole has become more sex-positive but… there are still those individuals who may look at you differently. But don’t get me wrong, they will absolutely still have sex with you on the first date — they’re just going to be hypocrites about the experience. Even though they participated, there’s a possibility that they can think “he’s not the one” or “he’s for the streets”, aka he’s a hoe. There’s no way around this one. Some people may consider a person like this to be “serious” about dating and trying to find a partner but me? I smell a hint of ignorance and hypocrisy.

GHOSTING

Technology changed the dating game forever. While there are many positive things it has brought to the pursuit of dating, it also gave us more access. Which isn’t necessarily a great thing. Yes, options are good to have but now people have so much access to different people on dating apps, websites and social media platforms — and can have a presence in multiple different states at that. So people tend to always be looking for the next best thing. It’s almost as if we’re speed dating, just cycling through our “starred” profiles on these apps. So you agree to meet a guy off of one of these mediums and you both know that sex is definitely happening as soon as the bill is taken care of. Hell, you might even blow him in the cab ride home to start things off. You continue to do “what grown folks do” and you start catching feelings for this guy. You text him the next morning but he doesn’t respond until late at night with a very unenthusiastic response. You call the day after that and he doesn’t pick up, instead he hits you with a “sorry, busy day” text. You begin to hear less and less from him no matter how many times you reach out, until eventually all communication has come to a complete stop. You knew it deep down inside from the first morning text you sent after sex, but now you acknowledge that you’ve been ghosted. You gave up the goods on the first night and he handled you like the douchebag he is. It’s going to sting, you may feel a bit hurt and even embarrassed — but this is certainly not a you thing. He was just a complete dick, karma will get him. Don’t allow this ghosting experience to make you become guarded sexually. Sex should be liberating! But at the end of the day, sex on the first date is a gamble and sometimes you lose.

BAD SEX

This can be awkward, for several different reasons. Sex is definitely like dancing, one of those fancy sets of choreography that you see on Dancing with the Stars. Let’s go with the foxtrot - a smooth, progressive dance with long (if you’re lucky), effortless and continuous movement that requires variety with your body and flexibility. But if one partners’ moves are off, that could fuck up the whole dance. It could ruin the vibe and chemistry. If y’all can’t get in-sync, my dick might go soft or my ass may start tensing up. Maybe you’re nervous or maybe you aren’t as advanced sexually as your date. But don’t forget about the full stomach that you’re fucking on and the drinks you’ve consumed (from your date earlier), that could work against you and throw you off your rhythm. Whatever the reasoning is, we’ve all had bad sex before and we know how awkward that moment can be. Not to mention leaving a bad first impression and ruining the night. And you know you’re about to get trashed in the group text the next morning.

June 01, 2022 — Andrew Christian