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Article written by Kendra Beltran

From the late-night sexcapades on cable to the explosion of internet porn, we have all seen how depictions of how supposedly amazing shower sex is. A shower, in many ways, one could argue is the perfect locale for fucking because for one, you are not going to get all sweaty and can just head to work right after, and two - it breaks the monotony of fucking in bed. Which one can argue is the most important factor of shower sex. It is something new, meaning that it is way more exciting than the norm that involves rustling around in the sheets. Those are two very, very valid points but let’s be real, not everyone is living lives as lavish as our favorite characters in adult films, right? Because of that, the reality of shower sex can be dismal.

Let’s start with the safety factor. If you do not have those little duckies (or whatever design that speaks to your soul) on the shower floor, then things will get wet, wild, and slippery when you try to twist and turn your body in sexual angles. I mean, have you ever been by yourself and almost slipped in the shower and had your life flash before your eyes? Exactly! And it is not like you want to wear some of those dorky ass water shoes in the shower. The kind that dads love to rock in the summer...whether or not they are near a body of water. Ha! Can you imagine trying to fuck in just those? No one you tried to hook up with would be able to even imagine getting a boner with those on your feet.

So yes, safety is a hell of a reason shower sex is not the pristine thing some have made it out to be. Another reason shower sex is not this grandiose, magical moment is that not everyone has those big ass showers with the coveted overhead showerhead that would leave each person in this shower sex party actually in the water. Nope, most of us have that standard showerhead that hits whoever is closest. Meaning that when you are fucking - one of y’all is being left shivering in what we are going to call the Arctic Zone of the shower. Yeah, yeah, one should be heated by the moment of passion but again, we are being 100 right now and that is never the case. If you are in the shower wet and not in the direct path of the water - it is terrible.

Not to mention that many out there may be sharing the bathroom with one or more roommates because hello...the cost of living is insane and it is not uncommon for people to rock the roommate life well into their 30’s...and sometimes 40’s. And while we would love to say everyone is the cleanest, we all know that sometimes roommates can be absolute pigs. Ain’t no one trying to fuck in a dirty shower.

While the wonderful world of porn has made us believe that shower sex is this sensual act between steamy coeds, the reality is that unless you are rocking a Kardashian size bank account and have a phat ass shower setup, the actual shower sex you are going to have is going to be bleak and leave you with regret, a broken bone, or both. So if you really need to fuck in water, try a deep tub or a personal pool. Both are safer, cleaner options than shower sex for a myriad of reasons. In case you missed them, they are right above this statement so go back and review!!

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