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We have all heard it’s not about the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean but as someone who has fucked a guy with the equivalent of a toy sailboat, it is nice when you have a yacht to sail away on. But the problem is that you never know what you’re getting into when you run into a man out in the wild. Yeah, you two can do the 21st century hello and send one another dick pics but for those who like the element of surprise, how can one ever be sure the man who’s caught your eye is packing heat or as cold as can be in the nether regions without the photographic exchange? There’s no scientific way to know, but here are some ways we can at least try!

Sweat It Out
Women like to think lingerie is sexy but honey, a man in sweatpants is next level. Everything down there in a haze of gray bouncing about, living its best life. If you can find a photo of a man in sweats or see him in real life in a pair then you can gauge what’s going on underneath thanks to that particular piece of loungewear being more telling than your mom gossiping with her best friends over wine.

Confidence Chart
A man who overcompensates with his confidence is definitely hiding something and that something may very well be a small ass dick. Those who are sure of themselves, well, they don’t have to ooze all that toxic confidence that comes across as narcissistic because they know what they have and don’t have to gloat about it. The dick will speak for itself, so there is no real reason to outwardly be a dick about it.

A Certain Smell
No, not what they smell like but rather how they smell. We’re talking about their noses. Rumor has it that men with larger noses often have the dick to match.

Hand It To Him
Anyone who has ever taken an art class about drawing human subjects knows that we’re all pretty much built on proportions. The width between our eyes typically matches up with our nostrils, and the size of our ears often matches our nose. So who is to say that the width between a man’s thumb and pinky when he stretches out his hand doesn’t correlate to his dick size? It’s a theory worth testing. Also, take note of his fingers. Many believe a man’s digits provide insight to their dick shape and size as well; short, stubby, long, lean, thick, slender.

Battle of the Bulge
If they rock tight clothing, take note. Skinny jeans don’t lie BUT they can fib. There is nothing worse than thinking a man is packing but then all he brings to the table is a set of bigger than average balls.

Dance It Out
If you two have yet to fuck, then take him out dancing and try and get a feel in between the beat on the dance floor. There’s nothing wrong with a little consensual grinding/investigating, right?

Walk That Way
If a guy is a shower and not a grower, and well...shows a lot then he is bound to walk a little different than a man walking around with an average-sized dick between his legs. So if he walks funky and you know he doesn’t have any leg or foot issues, chances are it’s because he’s lugging around a huge hog.

Where a man is from can tell you a lot about his dick size. Men from Africa and South America, on average, have larger penises. And those from North Korea come in a bit smaller. That’s not saying everyone from those places falls into this but someone did a study and those were their results.

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*** Andrew Christian Inc. does not claim rights to any images posted in this blog post. If you find your picture here and would like to have it credited or removed please email

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