A lot guys (read: exclusive bottoms) like to complain that the gay world is saturated with bottoms and there’s just simply not enough tops to go around. How can we ever expect to get freaky when every single gay we know just wants a massive jock to ravage his asshole? Well, if this sounds like you, I come bringing tea: there’s just as many tops out there as bottoms--you’re just looking in the wrong places.

In the gay community, when we talk about tops and bottoms, your mind probably automatically conjures some Platonic ideals that our culture has cooked up. Let me guess: The definitive top is 6’6”, was starting quarterback in high school and now spends his time wrestling alligators and sipping imported cognac. On the other hand, the definitive bottom looks like Timothée Chalamet’s stunt double and is hairless from the neck down. If these stereotypes make sense, then congratulations, you’ve played yourself.

The realest tea is that tops come in all shapes, sizes and colors. If you like to complain that there aren’t enough tops, then you probably have discounted innumerable tops because you never gave them a chance! Some of the best tops out there are short in stature, unconventionally masculine, or otherwise go against all these prescriptive rules about topdom. Broaden your mind, and you’ll see that all the tops will all suddenly come out of hiding.

It also should be mentioned that part of what’s holding back more tops from coming out of the woodwork is this stigma about dick size. Consider this your daily reminder that the average penis size in North America is 5.1 inches. It's unrealistic and silly to expect all tops to be super hung, or even hung at all! Guys with little dicks can be tops!! If you size-queens really need to see 7+ inches on their resumes, you’re just missing out on a ton of potentially amazing sex.

It’s no secret that the gay community has some problems with superficiality. We occasionally indulge in judging a book by its cover. But hey, who doesn't? We choose “traditional”-looking tops because they make us feel better about ourselves. These are larger problems that we need to work together to solve... but hey if the solution is letting more twinks inside my butt, then I’m willing to do my part. ;)