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Athletes are hot. Okay, I get it. What else is new? Well, some athletes are hotter than others. And why is that? Our theory is that there’s just something about certain sports that create hotter athletes. We’re not scientists, we can’t point to particular muscle groups that are getting worked by certain common motions of sports or anything like that. But what we can do, is give you a definitive power ranking of which sports, per capita, have the hottest athletes playing them.

8. Football

Sure, in high school we all had a crush on the quarterback. Football players are hot--don’t get me wrong---but sometimes those massive, absolute units of men just make my asshole pucker in fear. But still, a tight-end could tackle me anytime.

7. Hockey

Hockey players are hot in a “please don’t punch me in the face” kind of a way. They’re wild, untamable bad boys. But they ice skate too, so there’s a fem side there somewhere.

6. Basketball

Basketball players are extremely hot, but again it’s like, I didn’t grow up crushing on the 7’6” boy down the lane, so it can be hard to relate sometimes. But sure, I’d let anyone in the NBA slam dunk my ass.

5. Baseball

Cup check boys. Baseball players are all-American goodness served up with asses as tight as the games are boring. If they can throw a ball at 98 miles per hour, just imagine how fast they can jerk you off.

4. Soccer

Soccer guys have great butts, that’s no secret. And when they take their shirts off after a goal… that.... we need more of that in sports.

3. Gymnastics

Gymnasts have some of the bangingest bodies you’ve ever seen. They will straight up do a backflip on your dick, so watch out. And yes, I fully agree with the choice to wear tight spandex.

2. Rugby

Listen, I don’t know what the hell rugby is either… but like, why are they ALL so hot? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that only the strongest and hardest guys play the game… and they all seem to have a sexy accent.

1. Swimming / diving

Yes, I am thirsty, and there’s not enough water in an olympic diving pool to satisfy me. Hot twink swimmers and divers in skimpy bathing suits. Give me them all. There is undoubtedly no hotter athlete type in the known universe. The hottest guys with the best bodies wearing the sexiest outfits. Now that’s a sport we can all enjoy.

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