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Article by Corey Wright

You think you’ve seen it all? You haven't. First off, there’s no judgment and to call the dildos in this article strange would be rude, because to somebody, they’re a way of life. So let’s call ‘em different. I went on the hunt for the most different dildos ever. Here’s what I found:

Photo Courtesy of Primal Hardware

I know you think that’s a pile of fun candy mixed with alien bits. Nope. All those go up your butt. No promises as to whether or not -- when you pull it out -- if your spleen will be attached to the other end. Lemme know how it goes.

Photo Courtesy of Primal Hardware

Now I feel like -- I feel like -- this is a replica of someone’s firecracker blown (not the good kind of blow) penis head. But those tentacles at the base is sure to provide some kinda stimulation. Yes. There ARE other colors.

Photo Courtesy of Primal Hardware

Hey! Don’t get distracted by that beer bottle...which seems to be lending a leaning dildo a hand. How sweet. Let’s focus on the size of this thing. Big plus for those of you who really do feel that size matters. After you’re finished fucking yourself with this thing, pull out a penny and throw it in the hole at the top to make a wish....

Photo Courtesy of Primal Hardware

...or make some little eggs pop out and up your ass. Listen, Peter Rabbit in the Spring ain’t got nothin’ on this. You have to admit though, this is eggzactly what anal beads are. Only attached to one another. Wussies.

Photo Courtesy of Primal Hardware

This gives “ribbed for your pleasure” a “hole” (See what I did there?) new meaning. Let’s play a game: see if you can shoot those balls outta that thing at least 35 mph. You know...like the little baseball thingies.

Photo Courtesy of bad-dragon.com

I bet you’ve never had the inside of your ass licked. Well...here’s your chance. And just so you know, he’s smiling and his eye are closed from sheer joy because of YOUR ass. Yours.

Photo Courtesy of bad-dragon.com

This is for your dainty dolls who like to care for your hole and treat it like royalty. While it’s not fabergé, it is fabulous. Especially once you get past that top part. Oh, my. (I sincerely hope that you used a British accent to read that. If you didn’t go back and do it. Fun.)

Photo Courtesy of bad-dragon.com

LIVE, HONEY! I was talking to the dildo ‘cause you’d be hard pressed to get me to believe that this thing doesn’t have a wife and two kids.

Photo Courtesy of bad-dragon.com

I see the appeal here. I really do. A curve is great. But...and go with me on this...doesn’t this mofo look nosey? Like it’s gonna be all up in your business. Well, actually on second thought, I guess once it goes up there…

Photo Courtesy of bad-dragon.com

Oh, yaaaaaaay! I can fuck myself with this and go straight to bath time! You can’t tell me that this doesn’t double as a bath toy.

 

**Images do not belong to Andrew Christian. Courtesy of Bad Dragon and, Primal Hardwere,

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*** Andrew Christian Inc. does not claim rights to any images posted in this blog post. If you find your picture here and would like to have it credited or removed please email [email protected]

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