Article written by Dave Lopez

Have you had a standing dick appointment or made plans to meet up with someone and then realized that you just don’t want to go through with it? Or maybe there’s another dick you’d rather be getting better acquainted with and need to let someone down quickly. For many, the easiest response may just be to block or ghost the gentleman caller or to give him a cold-blooded “Thanks, but no thanks.” But maybe that’s not you. Maybe you’re more focused on letting people down gently or making sure that you don’t close the door on that dick all together with the slight chance you may need it somewhere down the line.

If you find yourself at a loss for how to get rid of that forceful top or that clingy bottom, here are some scenarios that are just crazy enough to actually work.

“I haven’t prepared/douched”

One of the sure fire ways to stop a conversation about sex before it goes any further is to simply just tell the potential top that you haven’t had a chance to prepare or douche. Sure, some guys may be into that sort of thing, but when you show them that you are in control of your own comfort and you don’t want to be inconsiderate by being messy down there you’re likely to get a pass.

“I just had a huge burrito”

We’ve all been there. The bloating, the bubble guts, the spicy disposition. It’s all good going down, but it’s hardly what you want to accidentally come back up or out when you’re in the middle of smashing. Guac isn’t the only thing that is extra in this situation and that dick appointment will actually thank you for calling it quits after the rice and beans.

“I just got a spray tan”

No one wants orange sheets or a stained crotch. If they do, they’re lying. Use this tactic in the name of vanity and let them know that you’re not willing to compromise your recent visit to the spray tanner for a sweaty encounter that will undo your newly vajazzled bussy.

“I cut myself shaving”

If you can’t think of anything else, why not blame your sudden need to cancel on trying to get ready for your rendezvous? We’ve all buzzed a little too close for comfort or clipped some skin on the way to achieving the ultimate manscape. It sucks! Your hookup will feel your pain and will understand that you may need to sit this one out while you ice your balls.

“I’ve already finished myself off”

He won’t blame you when you say you’ve wanked so much that day you couldn’t possibly be up for a round or two with him. We’ve all been overstimulated and too quick on the porn to worry about our upcoming dick appointment so this is a completely appropriate excuse that 9/10 times will likely be true.

So next time you are staring down at your screen thinking of what to say that will get the message across to your dick appointment, try one of these excuses and press SEND.

February 01, 2022 — Andrew Christian
Tags: Listicles