Article by: Maya Vukovska
My gay cousin is a perfect 10, well hung, charismatic, with a prestigious job, and all the necessary corporal equipment to secure him at least 1500 likes a day. Even if he posts a picture of himself digging in a bowl of cereal… He has dated other distinguished ten’s, some nine’s, and two dozens of, as he calls them, “mediocre seven’s”. In my cousin's defense, he surely is not the only one who looks with a lofty pity or even disdain on those homosexuals who don’t “come up to the standards”. There are many gay men like him out there who won’t even consider dating someone because they have body issues, a not so glamorous job, and a humble social circle of acquaintances. And if we look at the contemporary gay dating scene from the perspective of those more or less marginalized participants, the situation looks impossibly challenging and hard to cope with.
You guys, probably never wondered what the underlying meaning of the expression “outside someone’s league” is. What it actually means is that YOU are afraid of approaching someone because YOU think they will automatically reject you.
The good news is this isn’t necessarily so.
Only if you stop worrying that the other gay guys are too good-looking, too popular, and too successful for you, only then you will start feeling comfortable in the dating world. True, human partnership, in general, is mostly about matching in terms of age, education, physical attractiveness, etc. But there are reasons why it’s worth going against the odds, and give love with someone “outside your league” a shot.
Become more confident.
When you aim for Hollywood movie-star looks, you are less of a cocky a**hole and more of a hot person. Confidence is sexy, and you’ll get more action only by being your assured self. People who draw others to them are not the ones who hide in the corners.
Normally, you think that being shut down means they’re out of your league. If a guy you’ve just met on a dating app rejects you because you’re not the right height, weight, or eye/hair color it simply means that your date is interested in your physical appearance ONLY. Which is a bad sign for the evolution of a potential relationship? You don’t whine, you don’t despair. Instead, you start questioning people’s right motives and attitudes. After all, do you really want to be with someone who is only after six-packs?
Realize we are all messed up… in some way.
When you start dating a guy who you think is out of your league, you eventually come to terms with the universal truth that no matter how physically flawless, successful, and popular one is, they are TOO deeply flawed. The guy you thought was everything you ever wanted because he was unattainable, turns out to be neurotic, untidy, and… ghrrr! he clips his toenails on the white 2000-dollar sofa!
Learn how to bargain.
It may sound cynical, but all relationships are like business deals. And when you collect your head back from the clouds and discard the idealistic idea about love and relationships, then you’ll stop idolizing your partner, and request from him to bring the same amount of respect, effort, and consideration to the table. If a partnership is not mutually beneficial, you don’t stay with someone only because he always looks amazing on pictures standing beside you!
Form your own league.
Some “good willed” friends may still produce nosy comments about your boyfriend being way too good for you, but you secretly sneer at them because you realize that if he is dating you, he is now in your league.
You see the person behind the otherworldly being. The overall problem is that attractive men are put on a pedestal, and people tend to act weird around them. So, next time you are afraid to approach the sexy guy at the bar, ask yourself why he is sitting all alone. You’ll be surprised what a nice, normal talk can do.
Remember my cousin from before? Well, what happened to my cousin five months ago was not only ironic; it was illuminating! He fell for a completely ordinary, a regular-type of guy, who’ll hit the gym now and then, but you can tell from a mile that arugula salads and protein shakes are not exactly his favorite sin. And although my cousin is still quite reluctant to be seen in public with his new, and, as it seems, here-to-stay boyfriend, the miraculous transformation is on the way. The moral here seems to be crystal clear. Dating someone who’s outside your league is not only about re-evaluating your own attitudes and fears. It is also about giving this someone a chance to feel normal and loved for who they really are.