Sex is supposed to be fun, fabulous, and maybe just a tad sweaty—like a Beyoncé concert, but with fewer backup dancers and more awkward positions. But sometimes, just sometimes, a guy opens his mouth, and the words that come out kill the vibe faster than a rogue cat jumping on the bed.

Here’s a list of the seven worst things a guy can say during sex. If you’ve heard any of these, babe, I hope you faked a phone call and ran.

1. “I like how young you are.”

Hold up. 🚨 Red flag, aisle one! There’s being into someone’s energy, and then there’s straight-up creeping into Chris Hansen, take a seat territory. If someone’s complimenting your age like it’s their kink and you’re not into it, that’s your cue to call your bestie and fake an emergency ASAP.

2. “Gay sex is a sin.”

I’m sorry, what?! Sir, if you just sinned all over my freshly washed sheets, maybe keep your theology to yourself. There’s nothing quite like hearing someone clutch their pearls after they’ve clutched your booty. It’s giving self-loathing closet vibes, and honey, we don’t have time for that.

3. “I’m not stopping until you scream my name.”

Oh, you’re not? Cute. But maybe I don’t want to scream your name, Chad. Maybe I’d rather scream Lady Gaga lyrics or the name of my favorite pizza place. Demanding theatrics during sex is giving main character syndrome, and we’re all just trying to vibe here.

4. “Why are you being silly right now?”

Excuse me?! Look, sex can be hot, passionate, and dirty, but it can also be funny! Sometimes you’ve gotta crack a joke to break the tension—especially if someone’s staring at you like you’re a Monet painting. If you can’t laugh when I say hi mid-bj to lighten the mood, then maybe you’re the problem, and not my sense of humor.

5. “I don’t have kids, but if I did…”

STOP. RIGHT. THERE. This is not only one of the worst things you can say during sex—it might just be one of the worst things you can say, ever. If the words “kids” and “sex” are anywhere in the same sentence, I’m out faster than a drag queen at last call. That’s not just a mood killer; that’s a life reevaluation moment.

6. “Are you close yet?”

Oh, babe, nothing says “I’m putting in the bare minimum” like asking if I’m close instead of just doing the work. If you have to ask, the answer is probably no. This isn’t a gas station road trip stop—don’t rush me, sweetie.

7. “I don’t really do foreplay.”

Oh, so you’re lazy and selfish? Next! If a guy says this, just grab your clothes, text your group chat, and leave him to his unsatisfied and unbothered existence. Life’s too short for anyone who thinks foreplay is optional.

Sex is a lot of things—hot, messy, occasionally awkward—but it should never be ruined by cringe-worthy commentary. So, if you’ve encountered any of these lines in the wild, remember: it’s okay to laugh, it’s okay to run, and it’s definitely okay to block his number after.

Now go forth, queens, and find someone who knows how to talk dirty without sounding like a walking red flag. 💅✨

January 09, 2025 — Andrew Christian
Tags: Sex Tips