By Eris Chase  

We love a true BFF relationship. That ride or die, got my back and front, loves  me messy or pulled together…. It’s sacred, right? It’s even more special when  it’s between a gay and his straight BFF. Not the kind of straight who only brings  performative allyship to the relationship. We mean the kind that would read a  homophobe to filth for you while not really understanding what “reading  someone to filth” even means. They are your Judy… you know, if Judy knew  about ax throwing bars. Your straight BFF is the kind who wraps you up in his  arms while you cry through heartbreak, and who doesn’t need to “get it all” to  love you with his whole chest.  

Here’s what only he understands about you:  

1. He’s Your Real Image Check  

Your straight best friend will never tell you, “Oh my god, you look so hot!”  unless you actually do. He’s not gonna gas you up with false compliments. He’ll  tell you when your shirt is too tight and when your post brunch bloat is giving  pregnant realness. Brutal, but honest. And highly necessary. And strange  enough? It kind of makes you feel more loved.  

2. He Thinks of You as Just One of the Boys  

As quick as you are to invite him to the Sunday Tea dance, he’s even faster to  text you “Bro!! I got us tickets to the MMA fights!” You are both equal parts of  each others social lives. You show up strong for each other in all things. Also,  

he calls you “Bro” and, to your knowledge, you have never been a textbook  definition of the word “Bro.” So, I mean you kind of gotta love him till death,  right? 

3. He Knows You’re Type A… But Equally a Disaster  

You may or may not have a color coded tab for your box of tabs in your hyper  organized organization drawer, but he doesn’t call you out on your  perfectionism. Why? Because he has also gotten a desperate 2am text from  you saying you can’t find your phone. He accepts you. Even when it has to be  with a gentle nudge of “Did you check for your phone in your hand? It might  be there.” You are his favorite beautiful contradiction.  

4. He Can Smell “Toxic Male” from a Mile Away  

He sees through pretty but mediocre top energy far faster than you do. You’re  busy romanticizing red flags while he’s shaking his head “nu-uh” because he  spotted the walking emotional disaster five minutes ago. He’ll even sit through  your monologue about “but, he could be nice,” and still hit you with, “That  dude’s a dick.” Full stop. He’s usually right too.  

5. He’ll Fight for You Anywhere and Everywhere  

If anyone says anything homophobic or offensive, he goes a touch feral. You’ve  never felt safer than when your straight BFF is nearby with his “I bench press  bad choices” vibe. He’s always got you; whether it’s with a clap back or a soul  squishing hug and a whispered “I don’t know why people suck so much. I’m  sorry they spewed hate on you.”  

6. He Knows All Your Exes and Knows You Deserve Better  

He doesn’t remember their real names. To him they are referred to as “High  Five Guy,” “Cheater Aquarius,” and “The One Who Stole Your Shirt.” He saw  through all of them. He’s seen you heartbroken. He’s seen you loved up. And  even when he doesn’t always get the specifics (like why you cried over “Flip  Flops with Jeans”), he knows this: you want the real thing. And he’ll always be  in your corner helping you find it. 

7. He Will Not Let You Text Your Horrid Ex  

While your other friends take wagers on how fast you’ll spiral, your straight  bestie will snatch your phone and hurl it into space. “Bro. No. Absolutely not.”  He doesn’t even try to be gentle. And that’s why it works. He’s not trying to be a  therapist, he’s trying to keep you from texting your emotional doom.  

8. He’ll Carry You Out of the Club If You Start Serving Hot Mess  

He doesn’t care how hot your outfit is, or how long you waited in line to get in.  When you go from endearingly tipsy to messy booze slut, he’ll fireman carry  you right out the club with out a flinch. I mean, he’s gonna laugh and remind  you, “I told you not to have the bottomless margarita.”, but, he’s never going to  let you wake up in a sea of regrets.  

9. His Love is Pure Gold, Always Has Been  

He’s the real one. He never once blinked at your queerness. Not even when  you came out during a wave of anti-LGBTQ hate and it would have been easier  for him to turn his back. He never looked away. Not even for a second. He’s  proud of you, just as you are. And you? You’ll never take him for granted.  Because whatever this friendship is…. straight guy, gay guy, two weirdos doing  life together… it’s golden. The kind that lasts. The kind you treasure.  

If you’re really lucky, you’ll have a straight male best friend just gets you. Inside  and out. The good, the messy, the glorious. And honestly? That kind of love is  rare. Make sure yours knows how much they mean to you! Go tell him you love  him.. go on.. go!!