Let’s not lie, babe — we’ve all had that moment. The one where you’re lying in bed, post-nut, staring at the ceiling and thinking, “Wait… have I even met his friends?” Or maybe it hits when you realize you only see him after 11PM and he always puts his phone face-down. Cute, right?

Welcome to gay dating in the modern age — where love is blind, phones are locked, and sometimes you are the side piece and didn’t even get the merch.

But don’t worry. We’re not here to judge. We’re here to help you figure it out. So grab your emotional support iced coffee and let’s get into it: are you the main course, or are you just the secret snack?

The Boyfriend Energy Checklist

Let’s start with the good news. If any of these sound like you, congrats — you’re probably the one with your name on the lease.

• He introduces you to friends without hesitation — and not as “my friend from the gym.”

• You’ve been seen in daylight. In public. On a weekend.

• His phone isn’t mysteriously glued to his thigh at all times.

• He remembers your coffee order and your pronouns during sex.

• You’ve seen the inside of his fridge and didn’t immediately contract tetanus.

Boyfriend energy is consistent, supportive, and usually includes plans beyond the next orgasm. If he’s planning your birthday two months in advance? You’ve got the crown, queen.

Side Piece Red Flags (That You Keep Ignoring)

If these sound familiar… whew. We’re gonna need to talk.

• You never sleep over. Or when you do, he sets an alarm and tells you he has “errands” the next morning. At 6AM.

• You’ve never been on an actual date, but you’ve had sex on four different pieces of furniture.

• Every time you ask “So what are we?” he responds with “Why do we need labels?”

• He calls you “baby” but forgets your actual name mid-moan.

• His “roommate” is suspiciously hot and very possessive of the living room.

Listen, there’s nothing wrong with being the side piece… if you know you’re the side piece. Own it! Work it! Just don’t be caught slipping thinking you’re the boyfriend when you’re actually just the bookmark between chapters.

But Real Talk…

Here’s the real tea: the line between boyfriend and side piece is thinner than a jockstrap at a circuit party. Sometimes you’re in a situationship, sometimes you’re the main attraction, and sometimes you’re both — depending on the day and the group chat.

And hey, this isn’t about shame. We’re all just out here looking for connection, attention, and maybe a little head in the back of a car. But knowing where you stand? That’s the ultimate power move.

So whether you’re the loyal king with a toothbrush at his place or the mystery man who disappears before brunch — own your role, babe. Just make sure it’s the one you want to be in.

Be honest with yourself. Communicate your needs. And if he only hits you up at 2AM saying “u up?” — well… you already know the answer. 😘